Responsibility and Other Reasons Being a Grown-up Sucks....

Being a grown-up is both awesome and terrible. I know the benefits on being a grown-up like picking your own bedtime and being able to drink alcohol, but it also comes with a ton of responsibilities that actually prevent you from really being able to pick your own bedtime and drink alcohol. Things like making money, budgeting money, budgeting time, cleaning, feeding yourself and your offspring, the list goes on and on.

The thing that sucks most about being a grown-up is balancing the wants (really really really want!) with the practical decision making that is should be part of adulthood. I point this out because, I want a new car! So very badly. I have had a minivan for most of the last 20 years, so when my oldest started driving I quickly went and got me a car, all the way back in 2011! Okay, I know that's not that long ago, but I like having a new car. The reason I NEED really really want a new car is, I may have jumped the gun on getting a 5 seater. I drive around too many children and have too many people in my house to not have a mini-van. They are so practical and useful! I hate SUVs, mostly because you can get all the features plus some additional for a lot less money and better fuel mileage with a minivan. The "soccer mom" image never bothered me because I am a soccer mom, without the soccer. And look at this!

 Isn't this beautiful?

 It has an ultra-wide screen that can be split into 2. 

Also hdmi ports and headphones. 

Guaranteed to have peaceful road trips. 

There is a built in mother f'n vaccum! Vacuum sand off the kids at the beach! 

I love this van. I could buy it. The monthly payments are affordable and not much more then I currently pay. It's all doable. BUT there is that grown-up voice going.....is now really a great time? Shouldn't you pay your car off some more? If you saved a bit more of a down payment think how much cheaper your payments could be? 

Stupid grown-up voice.

BTW - The tiny little grown-up that lives in my brain doesn't help me in the majority of situations in which I WANT to feel/act grown up (how do you set a table? What is appropriate adult conversation? What types of people throw dinner parties? Am I that type of person? How does make-up work? What are grown-up clothes?), but in this instance that voice is loud and annoying and won't let me buy a new car. 

Share my pain and if anyone is reading this feel free to leave a comment about your grown-up voice...does anyone else have one? Is yours helpful or annoying? <crickets> 

Toddler Tuesday! Dentist time!

Disclaimer- is ma in no way a medical, dental, or psychological professional. The sight of blood makes me pass smooth out. What I'd do have is lots of experience with kids. So let's talk about first time dental visits! It really helps if you've been brushing you kid's teeth. When they are infants, you can wipe their gums clean with a clean wash cloth. This gets them used to the sensation. We took Eric when he turned 4. Our dentist said that it is better to wait till they are a little older for their first visit; so I waited until he was 4. A couple of days before we talked about what the dentist was and what they were going to do. We repeated every night till the day of the visit, and discussed it on the way there. I let him bring a toy to hold in the dentists office.

To;dr

Get them used to brushing

Communicate and explain fully what to expect. 

Repeat. 

There's No "I" in Team...

How lame is that blog post title? Pretty lame, but it's early and I am irritated so I can't be concerned with creative things like blog titles, I have important things to say rant about!

Okay, not so important, but when I have things on my mind, it plays on repeat in my mind, plus it has volume ramping, so if I don't share it, it will become like a siren in my head. I end up blurting it out to random people.
Yeah, I don't really do that, but I could. I have no natural verbal filter, my homemade one is flimsy, but very important and prevents random people everywhere from having conversations with me, also it prevents me from saying a wide variety of inappropriate things. So here is my rant...

I listen to the radio in the morning while taking the kids to school. A morning show on a music station, it's usually sort of funny, it's where I get the news, which like most Americans, I typically avoid. The news is depressing and its super biased, I read the same story several times and spend my time trying to piece together the raw information. It makes my brain want to explode and I end up super depressed or angry or both, (if I continue to write blog posts you will probably learn I am not as good at avoiding the news as I would like to be).

They start talking about the super important news of the day - Tom Brady went cliff-diving! I mean what could possibly be more important?!? (Certainly not the super depressed pilot who crashed into a mountain or Iran nuclear talks or the Nigerian election...kids may be listening and learn there are other places in the world or something horrific).  I was listening to the DJs discuss this and they reached the consensus, "It's his life, he can do whatever he wants!" I was irritated. They started taking callers, and every single caller had the same opinion as the DJs. Not one voice of opposition.
My first thought was, did they screen these calls and only accept ones that agreed with them? My second thought was I should find a morning station with less news. My third thought was that football is stupid and the Patriots are the kings of stupid, so why am I getting so irritated about so much stupid?!?

It didn't take my long to figure out I was irritated because of philosophy! Rather a philosophical debate, that is rather important for society and since philosophical debates are not a national past-time in this country (my husband didn't know what a french salon was, he thought it was a fancy place to get your hair done), discussing Tom Brady cliff-diving is as close as we will get to having discussions on philosophy.
Brady chose a profession that being a team player is a requirement. He is depended on by his team and is very important to the team or so the fan boys claim. He is depended on by the team owners, the fans, the tax payers (who fund the tax-exempt NFL) and so on. He is paid like $11 million dollars a year and part of reason he earns such an absurd amount of money is because he is giving up his ability to be selfish! I know everyone loves Individualism, but like it or not Collectivism is important too. He is paid to put the wants and needs of the group (his team) above his own, which means he doesn't get to do things like go cliff-diving or sky diving or visit Indianapolis. I don't know or care if his contract allows for cliff-diving, he should know better then participate in activities that put him at increased risk for injury or worse.

There is no I in Team! Almost no one really cares about Tom Brady cliff-diving. People get riled up about the underlying philosophical debate of individualism vs collectivism, they just don't realize that is the actual argument here. I am not a football fan for  variety of reasons (violent/dangerous, tax-exempt, when my kids do it I have to go outside in the heat and stay there and I volunteer to do things that suck) and the Patriots are my least favorite team (I prefer underdogs...Go Lions! Go Browns!), but I care because of that aforementioned debate. Brady chose collectivism, whether he realizes it or not, when he accepted millions of dollars to be a part of a team sport.

It would be much more acceptible for Tom Brady cliff-diving if he had just took his whole team with him. :D

Cinderella- the review.

Ok so- saw Cinderella and can I just say I loved it. Since everyone knows the story there is no way there can be any spoilers.  I found that the CGI was amazing. I couldn't tell. One of my friends called it "Lord of the Rings level"

Now if you are looking for some Bippity boppity tunes and talking mice- well then go watch the cartoon because this has a distinct lack of catchy tunes. It's a movie not a musical so no songs for you. I liked it without the typical Disney Song repertoire. 

To me the movie was very well executed and I was movies to tears a couple of times. The movie just flew by and it felt like it was only a 30 min show. Loved it and I can't wait to watch it again. 

3 am

Word to the wise: when you are exausted and are hanging out with your friends and/or peers who may or may not be as smart as you (if not smarter); it may be wise just to go to bed rather than continuing on with the conversation. You may say such jewels as "I watch the bbc because I am not a criminal".  

This you can never live down. EVER. 

Short Story Saturday!

Sasha shivered as she looked at the creepy doll on her bed. The doll was a gift from her stepmother. It was delicate, with lace details on the dress, and a head full of golden curls.

     "It's pretty, there is just something about it," said Christie, Sasha's best friend.

   "Shhhh she'll here you. Plus she's trying to be nice. She feels bad because it's the anniversary of mom." Sasha's mom had died when she was little, but Sasha didn't remember her; she was too young. Her stepmother, Claudia, was a new addition to the family. She tried, but it was so strange having another person in the house. 

     Christie looked at the doll "I've got it, it's the teeth!" 

     Sasha picked the doll up and looked at the mouth. Sure enough, there were four little teeth between the top and bottom lip. "Are they kinda pointy? Or is it just my imagination?"

     Christie looked. "It's just your imagination. Maybe it's the eyes. They're kinda filmy? We can wipe them off, I'm sure she'll be fine. Either way it's a pretty doll."

    Sasha put the doll back on the bed. "Let's go see what the gang is doing." She looked back at the doll as she closed the bedroom door.  The doll stared back at her smiling. 

      Sasha and Christie opened the door and turned on the light. The doll sat there on the bed, looking at them with glass eyes. "Let's get started on homework. Ugh, English. Mr. Jowell give the worst homework ever! Hand me the book will you?" 

    As Christie handed over the book she glanced up. "What are you going to name it?"

    "What?"

     "The doll? What are you going to name it?"

     "I'm 17 years old. I don't need to name the doll."

     "How about Christie? I think that's a perfect name for - ow!" 

     "How about pillow?" Sasha laughed as she hit her friend with the pillow. "Now let's study!" 

     It was much later after Christie left when Sasha decided to take another look at the doll. 

     "You're too creepy to be called Christie. How about Agatha? That's creepy worthy. " Sasha sighed and put the doll down. "She means well" she said as she closed the door behind her.
It was late when Sasha returned home. As she was getting ready for bed she couldn't shake the feeling that something was watching her. 

**************************************************

It was the middle of the night. Sasha had awakened suddenly. She couldn't see anything but blackness. She noticed her arm hurt slightly, but not enough to rouse her fully. "I'll worry about that when I get up," she thought. 

     Sasha opened her eyes and looked around. She was in the middle of the bed. She couldn't move.  She felt the panic start to ride up in her chest, but she couldn't make a sound. Her mouth would not open. She was fozen in place. All she could do was sit on the bed and watch as the doll like girl in her room wore her clothes and closed the bedroom door as she took her place. 

   

Friday

I was going to write this awesome fashion post, but it's Friday and I am fresh out of care. Instead I will leave you with this great tip: if you work in an office and are running late stop and get donuts. That way you can say "oh I was on time, but there was a long line at the bakery. Have a donut!" Then you come off looking like a hero and no one will really know the truth. Pro tip: it only works about once a month. 

Natalie Dee illustrated the below. Check her out! Www nataliedee.com

TBT- Kid's Tales

Once upon a time: S was home from college for winter break, and E was watching The Little Mermaid. Prince Eric was on screen and E said,"look, Stefan, that's me, Eric!" S looked at me and sneered. "Really, mom? You named your kid from a Disney movie?"  I looked at my oldest child and smiled, "what's wrong with that, King Stefan from Sleeping Beauty?"

Moral of the story: Don't knock your mom's name game.

HBO and Scientology

Soooo I can't wait for Going Clear, an HBO show about Scientology. It's supposed to be quite the exposé! I'm sure Tom Cruise is squirming now.  Supposedly HBO hired 160 lawyers in preparation for the fallout from Scientology. Now, this is an HBO documentary adaption that is based off of a book Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood and the Prison of Belief by Lawrence Wright. I have got to read that book. This documentary features interviews with ex-Scientology members. I'm really looking forward to it! It should be very interesting. This is a religion founded by a writer of science fiction! And they get tax exempt status! For interesting facts about how that was maintained- look up Operation Snow White. Going Clear airs on March 29th on HBO.  This ought to be good. 

Animators on drugs- Kate and mim mim

I just want to say what the hell is this? So apparently this girl twirls around and sings a song with this stuffed rabbit and manages to teleport to another dimension? Works? Who the hell knows. Anyway- there are creatures there who have a collective IQ of 4. Somehow they solve the problem and return to the real world- and her parents never notice she is missing!  I just can't with this show. The purple bunny is disturbing and he sounds like he has rocks for brains. Well, technically I guess it's stuffing, but whatever. You know, some kids shows aren't bad (I'm talking about you Sophia the First!) but this one is just stupid. I can't even.

It's the little things!

So I am super excited that Chicken Fries are back at Burger King. They are the one of the worlds most perfect food. You can eat them while driving. You can dip perfectly in ketchup. Even better- they taste amazing. We, sadly, do not have a Burger King close to where I live. I will drive 10 miles to have you, chicken fries. You WILL be mine. Calories be damned!

Breakfast has the best food.

I love love love breakfast. It is truly a wonder to behold. It has the best selection of food! You can eat anything for breakfast and it's ok. Left over pizza- hit me. Cereal- awesome. French toast, more please. You can have sweet, salty or both! When we were planning our wedding (spoiler alert- we eloped to Disney) we were planning on having a breakfast brunch. Everyone likes breakfast. The only think that can possibly beat breakfast is brunch. Mmmmmm french toast... And bacon.  So, who has the best breakfast? Any memorable breakfasts you have had? One for me at DisneyWorld at the Coranado Resort Restaurant they had Creme Brûlée French Toast. It was freaking amazing. I dream about it. It's worth going there for that.  I wrote a haiku about breakfast. (I may have a problem)

Breakfast is the best
French toast, pancakes, bacon, eggs
I love you so much

Ok so I may have a slight problem. Really, can you have a more perfect meal? Some of my favorite memories was when mama declared it Breakfast For Supper Night and we had pancakes. Now I realized she was really tired and didn't want to run to the store, but back then- it was magical.

Toddler Tuesday!

We are all moms here at The Care C. Jamie and I have been moms for almost 20 years. We've been moms longer than not being moms. (I'm going to silently weep for my youth now) anyway, if you have any questions about children, you should probably read a book written by professionals. If you want sarcasm and terrible advice that could possibly lead to your arrest, then email us at thecarec@gmail.com. Meanwhile I will impart this bit of advice that I read somewhere and totally works. I read that this one mom was so worried about her kid crying during the birthday song that she would randomly start singing it so her kid wouldn't be scared. The result- fabulous pictures instead of crying kid. Try it- totally works.

Fb tmi part deux.

 Today, my FB wish was granted and one of my friends called this dude out on his crap. First of all, it was glorious and she is amazing. Second of all, I think that the Internet gives bullies a whole new venue. They have the ability to insult and get away with it. You're not there, you don't see how your comments can hurt. Without that instant reaction- it's almost like you can't see how deep the blow lands. Total disassociation. I think that can make people meaner; make them careless- and care less. With 24 hour updates like facebook, Instagram, Twitter, it makes it even easier. Anything can be targeted.  Good job to my friend for taking a stand and not putting up with it. To everyone else, would you say those things to their face with your family in attendance?  If not, then maybe you should rethink. Words said can never be unsaid.

Favorite Artist: Shana Halligan

Ok- so I rarely listen to recent music, (shut up Jamie!) and one of my favorite albums is from 2012. That's only 3 years so that's not too bad. Never heard of Shana Halligan? Oh I bet you have. She was in the duo Bitter:Sweet, and they had a few catchy tunes. Anyway, her solo cd is called Richmond Parade. It's smooth and mellow, with some martini style undertones. Sounds like a Starbucks drink- with a kick. I really like her song Falling In 3D. Her stuff is great for a mellow day; perfect Sunday driving music. So check her out! And if you want some James Bond spy type music, then check out Bitter:Sweet's album The Mating Game.

How not to get away with murder AKA Snapped.

I love love love Snapped. It is great to have on on Sunday's. It's my go to nap show. You know someones going to die, someones going to get caught, and there's always a verdict. You can nap and wake up and it's still the same formula. It's great. You know what's not great? These geniuses that think they're not going to get caught. Husbands been cheating and is missing now- pro tip: don't go buy a bunch of storage bins and a saw.

Gambling problem and blew threw the money- pro tip: don't increase the life insurance policy on your husband riiiight before he dies under suspicious circumstances.  Any cell call, Google search, text message can be traced: pro tip- don't search how to get rid of a body. On Sunday's Oxygen channel has a Snapped marathon. I love it. I put it on and lay on the couch and doze. We call it snapped napped- it's great. Oh look- this one says Ancient Egyptians told her to eat her husband. She cooked his hands! I guess when you get hungry for hands... 

 

Book Review: The Mermaid's Sister

Just finished The Mermaid's Sister by Carrie Anne Noble. This book was a sweet little fairy tale. A good, fast, read. Clara is a young girl, raised on a mountain with her sister. Her sister starts changing into a mermaid and she has to bring her to the sea. On the way they are captured. Clara has to bring her sister to the sea or she will surely perish. I really loved this little book. It was really sweet. 5 stars.  It was just darling.

Vocabulary lesson!

We, here at The Care C, are all huge Gay Allies. (Equality for Everyone!) Anyway, one day I was talking to someone very close to me and somehow the "Gay Lobby" was mentioned. They did not know what the "Gay Lobby" was.  Their response? "I don't understand why the church would have a gay lobby? I mean if they don't like them so much, why would they hire them to decorate? What would it look like anyway?" Apparently, they thought it was an actual hotel lobby decorated with glitter and what not. You know what? It sounds fabulous. I want to go to that hotel on vacation.

The point of this story? That the person didn't associate "gay lobby" with anything negatory; and that to me is progress. 

PSA!

This is Charlie. He is the bestest puppy in the world. That being said, Charlie was adopted from the Pound. Isn't he adorable? If you're looking for a pet, please check your local shelters.  

Story time!

The Death of Venus:

    When the Aphrodities emerged from their hiding place deep within the crust of their long observed planet, the people of Earth were shocked.  Who knew that there was a whole society living underground in a planet that looked so like a star? Of course there was the whole military rigmarole, with the United Nations having meetings that lead to nowhere. It was the European Factions that first extended the proverbial olive branch, and they soon began to benefit from the technological advances that they had to offer. Soon it wasn't long before the rest of the world followed suit.  The Aphrodities did not focus on conquering the stars, instead, the focus was on winning the battle of the bulge and old age. 

     In exchange for the Birth of Venus experience, the people of Venus only wanted to learn more about what makes us tick.  They ran tests and took samples. They went to medical school and took the latest journals. What truly baffled them was the ones who resisted their benefits.  

     "But why won't you take the treatment, John? You know they can heal you, make you whole...make you walk again," she pleaded with him.

    "Moira, no. I don't trust them.  All of a sudden they show up out of nowhere and want to help? Something isn't right with their story." John wasn't unhappy the way he was. He had been born without the ability to walk, and his parents had encouraged him to do as much as he could. They always supported him and never made him feel like a cripple.  Moira, his childhood friend, and now fiancee used to be the same. Until the Aphrodities appeared, he thought they were on the same page. Now all she did lately was pester him to have the treatment done with her. 

     "John, I am telling you, I want us to dance together at our wedding. We will be the perfect couple at our perfect wedding!" Her eyes twinkled as she thought about how they would look after the treatment. 

John was disgusted. He didn't see that anything was wrong with them the way they were. He tried again, "Please, baby, I really love you just the way that you are. You're my sweet little mouse."

     "UGH! I hate that name.  You only say that because my hair is mouse brown. No one wants to have mouse hair! " She stomped off. 

John just sat there stunned. He had no idea it bothered her so much. "Maybe I should consider it since it means so much to her," he mused. 

     Four weeks later and they were checking into the treatment facility. Moira purred with happiness.

    "Baby, I am so glad you decided to do this with me! I love you so much!"

John was having second thoughts.  He really had a bad feeling about this. 

    "Are you absolutely sure? I mean, going into an alien clinic to have a miracle treatment to look beautiful with no strings attached- doesn't that sound suspicious?"

     "Oh you're just being dramatic.  You read too much sci-fi!  Look, it's our turn!" 

The attendant brought them to their room.  She was tall, almost six foot.  Long blond hair hung midway down her back.  

    "Now, please change in to the provided garments. You will find them on the bed. When we are ready for you, I will assist you with your wheel chair.  What would you like us to do with your chair after your treatment? You won't need it after today."  She looked directly into John's brown eyes.

   "I... uh.. I don't know?" He was completely mesmerized by the intense brightness of her pink eyes. 

She laughed and it sounded like a thousand tinkling bells. "No matter. We will disassemble it and recycle. Reuse, right? Can't waste precious resources." With a smile, she closed the door behind her. 

   "Wow! She was exquisite! I hope I look like her when I am done!" Moira was already in her provided outfit. 

    "You look like Dr. Barbie!" John was cracking up at her hot pink scrubs. 

    "I wouldn't laugh too hard, yours are florescent yellow!" Moira rubbed her hands in anticipation. "I can't wait to see you in these babies! HA!"

No sooner had John finished dressing than the attendant returned for them. She brought them down a long hallway to a steel door. It opened at her touch. Inside the room where silver coffins. Row upon row. 

     Moira swallowed hard. "Are those...." 

    "Oh no! That's just the treatment chamber. Think of it as a chrysalis. You'll emerge a beautiful butterfly. Let me help you." 

     She touched one and it opened. Inside was a screen fastened to the side.  "Since the treatment takes almost a full two Earth weeks, you'll need something to occupy your mind. Touch here and you can select from our library of books, movies, and educational journals.  You'll be fed intravenously.  Once you are in, the chamber will fuse with you and you'll start the process!" She smiled reassuringly. 

     Moira jumped in eagerly. "See you on the flip side!"  The lid closed over her smiling face and the chamber began to glow, first pink, then purple, then yellow and then pink again. 

     "Excellent. Now for you." The attendant helped John into the chamber. He heard foot steps approach behind her. "Commander, sir, I was just helping this recruit into his chamber. " 

     "Very well, I would like to observe this procedure."

     John was confused. "Recruit?" He asked. 

     The attendant smiled, "Why yes, silly, for our program!" The lid started to close. 

     John' heart skipped a beat. He held up his hand and stopped the lid. "What program? What is this?" 

     "Why the take over of Earth of course!" She smiled as she forcefully slammed shut the lid. Tinkling laughter filled John's ears and bright pink light flooded his senses.  

TV Recaps & Reviews

This is really just a disclaimer post. I plan on doing some reviews and/or recaps of shows I watch. I watch a lot of TV, a lot! I don't like movies (I will be writing a post on this soon) and my brain requires I do multiple things at once to focus, so even when I am working on other things I am usually also watching something, even if it's just a procedural crime show. I also have 3 young-ish children who like things like dinner and getting to school and the school like them doing home work and not failing and my husband likes to suddenly have to go out of town with no idea when he will return, and all of this means I have a DVR full of shows I don't have time to watch. All of that being said when I recap and/or review TV episodes it is because that episode was amazing or amazingly stupid. I may just review seasons of shows, depending on how I feel.

Book Review: Forget Me Knot (Royal Reaper 2)

In the continuation of the series, we find Wynter struggling to learn how to be a Dark Angel. Leila continues to find ways to see Mara.

This book flowed nicely. It was fast paced and light. Appropriate for young adults. 4 stars.  Not my usual fare- still entertaining. Again- I'd love it if I were younger.

Book review- Dead Girl Walking (Royal Reaper Book 1)

Ok- so this book was a light read. I'd say appropriate for junior high levels. Quick and easy read. Anyway, Ophelia was a princess till she was murdered and now she is a grim reaper.  This book tells of her journey as a reaper and her growth as she lets go of her old life and begins a new one.

I did not realize it was an easier reading level, but I still enjoyed it. So I'll give it 3 stars as an adult, and 4.5 stars as a Jr. hi kid. I'd really like this if I was in the 7th grade. 

The Double Edged Sword of Promiscuity

Why is it that when girls sleep around they are called horrible names and looked down upon?  Why is it that boys who sleep with those same girls are applauded and given the high five? Look at any high school. The girl that gets lucky is labeled a whore, slut, fast, easy, or immortalized in a Prince song thinly disguised as a car. The boy that sleeps around is usually popular and cool. They can have almost triple the number of sexual partners, but the chick with the multiple partners is shamed. I figured there has to be some sort of formula for this:

Number of sex partners * positions (Instances of coitus + Oral)
------------------------------------------------------------------------------     =  Whore
                                   BOY

Three seems to be a magic number. For example, a woman with two kids; each with a different father. Fine, right? Three kids, three different dads and now she's whore status.  Something about that third kid pushes it over the edge into slut territory.  Now what if it was over a span of 15 years? 3 partners in 15 years? That's relativlwy mild by anyone's standards.  On this blog I used to read before their layout became intolerable (side eye to you, Enty) some commenters called Kate Winslet a whore because she has three children with three fathers. You know who they didn't call a whore? Kevin Costner.  He has SEVEN kids with three baby mamas.

Perhaps instead of "Slut Shaming" we should educate our young people about the dangers of unprotected sex and then leave them in a room with teething toddlers for two hours. When they leave the room there will be a bowl full of condoms.  Teenage pregnancy problem solved, you're all welcome. Slut shaming is never the answer, education is.  And really, who says you have to buy the dress? You can always try it on... What if you hate it? Or worse, what if it's too small? What if it's just a bad dress?

Book review: Rise of the Flame

So I finished reading Rise of the Flame by K. N. Lee. This is book 1 of the Eura chronicles. This book is a typical Fantasy type book with different races and realms. Basically Lilae is the chosen one "Flame" who is supposed to save the world.

Ok there is seriously a lot going on in this book, and sometimes it's hard to remember what's happening and who is who. It was very fast paced. All in all, towards the end I couldn't put it down. I really want to read the next in the series. 4.25 stars. 

FB TMI

You know what a growing trend is these days? Too much information on Facebook. It seems that my feed is constantly bombarded with personal bits from randoms. Do you know all your friends? See them on a daily basis? No? Then why are you sharing this? Some one was telling us how much someone was dilated. I'm sorry, I have no interest in the status of random woman's vagina. Would a group text to your closest serve you much better? I know it would me. Oh oh! And I hate vague booking.  "You know who you are and what you did and I'm mad and want attention!" Yeah, you know the type. For once I just want people to talk smack. I mean you may as well name names if all 400 of your friends are gonna know. But noooo that part is private. You're just being a gossip tease and I hate you. If you can't say anything nice come sit by me.

Throw Back Thursday: Kid Tales

Once upon a time, D had a Jr. Hi Band concert.  The whole family attended this musical wonder. After the concert, my parents and I were all walking back to the car when my mom said the magical words, "Do you want to go to Dairy Queen?" Hell yeah! We all took separate cars, so we all decided to meet there.  In our town, DQ is right around the corner from the school; it's within walking distance. S was in the front seat, I loaded E into his car seat, and we were off!  We pull into the parking spot and I turn around. The seat next to E's was empty! I asked S, "Uhhhh where's Dade?" His response? "God, mom, you were so excited about ice cream, you forgot about your own child. What kind of parent are you?" (Did I mention he's 19? and cynical?) So back to the school we went. Turns out while I was loading Eric in his car seat D went and put his horn up in the band hall with the other students. We pull to the school and I don't see him. I call him.

Me - Where are you?
D- I'm looking, but I can't find you anywhere!
Me- We're over here by these dumpsters.

He shows up and gets in the car.  S looks at him and says, "God, Dade, we've been waiting for you forever. "

Moral of the story, raise your kids right and they'll cover for you.

The midol isn't helping.

I hate everything. With every cramp my uterus screams out for murder. My husky walked up to me for pets, and I glared at him. He looked at me and walked off! I scare small animals! If I were one of Snow White's dwarfs, I'd be called Stabby. I feel sorry for the poor hubs this week. He's starting to come down with a cold and I have zero cares for man nonsense. I can't even. 

So due to circumstances mentioned above I don't think they'll be much of a blog over the next 3-5 days. I've pre scheduled some posts; I doubt if there is more than that. You shouldn't bleed and blog. TMI? I don't even care. 

Vanity Vs Dignity

So I asked my hubs the other day,

Me -If aliens came down and offered you your body in it's prime, and all your hair back in exchange for some probing and experimentation would-

The Hubs - Done

Me- well that was an easy decision.

Which leaves me to this conclusion, vanity will win over dignity.  Hell yeah, please get rid of my mom tummy and lift up my boobs.  You can even have some eggs while you're at it.  And if I can get a catalog? Thanks.  Let's just face it- who doesn't want to look better?  And really- if there is an easy way, wouldn't we alllll sign up for that?

See you in the probe room!

This bothers me- should it?

Children's toys- why is it that little girls get toy vacuum cleaners, mops, brooms, kitchens, and laundry rooms? They're all pink and cute! Chores are fun! Boys get grills, chain saws, tools and general implements of mass destruction all boyish and what not. Why don't they make vacuums that cater to boys? Are they afraid they will turn into self sufficent men? And girls- are they afraid they will be able to fend for themselves? It just seems to me that it is past time for traditional gender roles to be over. They're soooo passé. I really don't think that playing with a vacuum sounds like fun. It sounds like chores. And if they were really smart they'd make an actual working mini vacumm. If they wanna "play" might as well get some work done too! My vacuum isn't pink. It's red and black. Maybe they should make sparkly pink vacuums for adults or some MANLY vacuums with huge motors and tricked out wheels. Then maybe it wouldn't be regulated to "woman's work".

Babies are disgusting creatures.

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure I'll hear it. Seriously though- aren't they? Sure, some babies are adorable (some are hideous, but were not supposed to talk about that... bless their hearts) but when you get down to it, they are bundles of grossness wrapped up in a blanket.  There is fluid everywhere! If it's not coming out of their faces then it is coming out of their backsides. Awww, they are so cute when they sleep... yeah and they sweat too.... yay more liquid.  They can't tell you anything, so you are stuck trying to interpret their tiny dance of fist waving and foot pumping while even more liquid drips from random places. I don't really understand the appeal...



Before you judge, I have 3 boys and yes, I did give both to all of them. They're even grosser when they get older. Boys are just gross. They smell. Try having a sleep over with a housefull of boys. Suddenly the house smells like feet! There's dirt everywhere- I don't know how or where it came from, but there it is- mud.  Boys. They're everywhere, and they're disgusting.

Book review disclaimer

I read a lot. I mean a loooooot. I can usually make it through a book in about 3 hours. So, I'll be reviewing a lot of books on here. Now, I'm only going to read books that interest me. I'm not even going to bother wasting my time on something boring (aka nonfiction) so anything I review will have at least 2 stars by default. I have to really hate a book to give it a bad review. This makes me the Paula Abdul of book reviews. Oh and I'm going to try to make them all spoiler free. If you want spoilers then Wikipedia  is your friend.   #sorrynotsorry

Book Review - The Door to the Earth by Krista Almazan

This book is a debut novel. The author struggles a little with her voice at first. This isn't problematic as sh quickly finds her cadence. I would classify this book as fantasy, with some paranormal undertones. The characters feel real. I care about Beth, the main character. I want her to succeed. I'm invested and really can't wait for more. It was an interesting story with a new concept. This book has a few rough edges; this author is cutting her teeth. A few bumps in the road are to be expected.  I hope she keeps up the good work. 4.5 stars.

Animators on Drugs

Sometimes I wonder what the hell these animators are thinking. Since I have a toddler, I watch a ungodly amount of children's shows. It's quite devastating to my mental state. For example, I have a favorite Dinobot. What. The. Hell. I don't even care about Transformers, I'm 38. I'd rather watch Jem; her hair was bitchin'. Anyway, E is about to turn 4 next week and he is ate up with Transformers. It doesn't matter which version, Rescuebots, Prime, or Old School- he watches them all. So that brings me to my point- where does Optimus Prime's trailer go? He's a robot and changes to a truck it suddenly appears. He's a truck and changes to a robot and where does it go? It's the infamous off screen move. Ha! So....does it just hang around off screen waiting for its grand entrance? Does it go off and have its own adventures? Is anything in it? I don't understand. Clearly they must be on drugs. For that matter, Megatron turns into a gun that another robot has to hold. How useless. What kind of bullets does he use? Would they be part of him? Is it transformer poop?  I mean he's supposed to be a leader that's basically a hand held weapon that shoots robot poo. And a weapon is only as good as the person who wields it; what if his shooter is a bad shot? Lame.

Favorite Quote: "Me, Slag, me hate everything."

Dinobots Rock.

Elle King - Love Stuff. Music review!

So a few people think I'm stuck in the 80's (they're not that wrong) and I don't listen to new music. I'm not that stuck; it just seems like lately there is not a lot of music worth listening to. So imagine my surprise when the hubs turned on the radio and I heard Ex's and Oh's for the first time. The bluesy overtones with Her gravely vocals were interesting. The drum beat was fun. And I immediately downloaded the whole album of iTunes (it's only 7.99!). All of her songs have the same blues feel. Kinda rock and roll, kinda reminiscent of Led Zeppelin. Her voice is cool too- that cool girl rock and roll voice but Eartha Kitt-ish. Like if Eartha sang Janice Joplin. Some of her songs also sound a bit bluegrass- you can hear the banjo.  I was pleasantly surprised by this whole album. It was really good! Something I was familiar with, but never heard before. Thank you, Elle King, for making a great cd. I love your "I Told you I was Mean". Ha! You rock!

Moody Gardens Galveston, Texas review.

Happy Anniversary to me! That's right- the hubs and I celebrated 1 glorious year together. Since we were married at Disney World it's pretty hard to compare. The hubs suggested Moody Gardens in Galveston. Neither of us had been so I was game.

We arrived around noon. Check in time isn't until 4, however, our room was available so we could check in early. Everyone at the front desk was super nice. They handed us maps and a schedule of activites in case we were interested. They have a kids club, and there were pretty neat activites for kiddos- treasure hunts, s'mores, and whatnot.

For lunch we ate at Cafe in the Park. Our service was excellent! The food was good, and the service was excellent. As a surprise, our server brought out complimentary dessert with Happy Anniversary written in chocolate on the plate. It was a surprise and made the lunch special.

We first visited the Aquarium Pyramid. It was pretty neat. You could walk in a tunnel and see the Sharks and fish swimming all around. The highlight for me was seeing a big stingray swim right above us.

Later we explored the Rainforest pyramid. It was about 5- and most of the animals were sleeping or hiding. One of the associates said that they are a lot more active first thing in the morning. Just an FYI- this was extremely humid and I'm used to like 90% humidity. So be prepared.

We hit the 3d movie too- it was The Great White. It was a 3d movie about sharks. The hub liked it- I fell asleep so there you go. You can only watch the same clip of a shark going after a wooden seal before it starts to get old.

For dinner we at at the Garden. It was in the same pyramid that has the theatre and rainforest. That meal was something we could have lived without. I could hear everyone around us- the lady next to us was face timing and I heard every word from both parties. I had the redfish and eh.  I really didn't care for it.

Next day- breakfast was at the Cafe again. Breakfast buffet- it was sooooo yummy. This was for sure our favorite place to eat. After gorging we headed back to the rainforest pyramid.

Rainforest part deux- much better. We saw monkeys, bats, butterflies, and birds. Very nice and a lot better early in the morning- they open at 10. We really enjoyed it!

Moody Gardens was very clean. It felt open and airy, and it smelled good. We will be back.

Attractions we missed- beach (it was closed because winter) and the paddle boat (rain and yuck. No thanks). We also didn't hit the zipline because Rain.

Would I go again- yes. Would I become a member? No. I don't live close enough to benefit. I will visit again!

Crack Head Happy

So, Shelly has asked me to contribute to this blog. I think this is a lapse of judgement on her part, since I am guaranteed to offend everyone, but it's too late now. :D

So, while at the laundromat (which I am at because of girl scout cookies and rain...take that for what you will), I over hear these women talking about kids, presumably theirs, when I hear one say, 

"Oh I don't really care what he wants to be when he is an adult, I just want him to be happy. That is all that really matters." 

I have heard this sentiment before, but what popped in my head was - What if being a crack head makes him most happy. What if that's the thing that brings him all the joy? Or worse like being a creepy stalker or murder or a member of the Westboro Baptist Church? 

I admit that I was suffering from heat stroke, because it was like 75 degrees and I was melting, but I don't think parents are honest at all when they say they want happiness for their kids, it's a top tier lie, up there with "I don't have a favorite" and "I don't care what gender as long as they're healthy." 

I prefer honesty...I wanted all boys and I had 2 and decided to have one more. Gambling isn't my thing because the last one was a girl, who is now my favorite so the "I like you best" balances out the "I really wish you had been a boy!" 

As for "just being happy?" 

No. 

Sure I hope they have happiness in their lives, but I also want them to be educated and employed. I guess what I took a long blog post to say is I'd like my kids to be a lot of things and happy is one of them, just not crack head happy. 😁

Book review- The Decaying Empire by Laura Thalassa (book 2 of Vanishing Girl)

Ok- if you haven't read book one then please stop- spoilers ahead.

This book is book 2 in the Vanishing Girl series. Ember is a genetically altered 18 year old girl that teleports within the first 10 minutes of sleep. In the last book she was set up and then shot.

This book picks up right where we left off. Ember was spliced and in a coma for 10 months. She's now back and basically suffering from PTSD; hopes of escape dashed.

I really enjoyed this book. I started reading in the bath till the water got cold. Then I stayed up till 12:30! Could not put it down. The problems I had with the first book - poor character development, what is splicing, were all solved.  I really liked this one.

Pros: Good story that feels orginal.

Cons: Changed from 3rd person to 1st. That's a personal pet peeve of mine, it drives me insane.

I'd give this 4.5 stars. Can't wait for the next one!!!!!

Book Review: The Vanishing Girl by Laura Thalassa

My first book review!  So, yesterday I finished The Vanishing Girl. It is written by Laura Thalassa.  This is a Young Adult book, and I have to say that it was an interesting concept.  It is about Ember, a teenage girl who can teleport.  Since puberty, the first 10 minutes after she falls asleep she finds herself somewhere else. Once she turns 18, the government steps in and harnesses her powers for the good of national security.  It's a sci-fiesque book with military overtones.

Pros: Interesting concept.  Story feels new.

Cons: I don't know if I like or hate the character.  I'm rooting for her, but it seemed like there needed a bit more character development.... for all the characters.  I think that is the only thing I didn't like about the book, the people seem hollow. They need a bit more life to them; hopefully we will get it in the next book. Right now I know I'm supposed to care about these people, but I really don't know why. Also, what is splicing? What causes it? More detail please!!


This is a Young Adult book, so there is some - ahem "adult situations".

This is the first in a trilogy, and I am looking forward for more of Ember's story. I give it almost 4  out of 5 stars. I liked it enough to read the second installment so there you go.  Will keep you updated!

Incidentally, if you have Amazon Unlimited, this is one of the free offerings.

I have also read The Queen of All That Dies and I really loved that book by her. I will review that at a later date.

Anyone who doesn't have a favorite is lying.

Do you have a favorite child?  What? I'm a horrible person for asking such a thing? Yeah, I don't care.  My middle son (yes I have 3, yes they are all boys- joy) asked me the other day who my favorite was.  It went something like this:

Son: Mom, I need to ask you something very important.
Me: What?
Son: Mom, I just really want to know, can you please answer me honestly?
Me: Get on with it..
Son: Who is your favorite?
Me: Snort and laughter
Son: Please mom, tell me.  Between me and S. (older brother) who do you like best?
Me: Well... I don't like either of you equally.
Son: Waaa?
Me: You see, the littlest is always the favorite. That's the way it works.  And if for some ungodly reason I have another, E will be shoved to the side like y'all are and the new baby will be the favorite.
Son: I'm ok with that as long as it's not S.
Me: Well that's a relief.

The baby is always the favorite. I feel sorry for the other kids, who for a brilliant shining moment were the favorites until siblings came along- only to be shoved to the side while the new baby rolls over and other miraculous wonders.  Don't worry children! You will all redeem yourselves as adults!

The Origin of the Care "C"

I was the absolute worst as a child.  I am surprised my mom didn't leave me at a firehouse; I was a truly horrible child. One day my mom was talking to me about something I found utterly dull, so I made my hand into a "C" shape and made this declaration, "See this? This is the Care "C".  I do this when I don't  care."  I then proceeded to wave it around. I would have slapped me... she had way more patience than I ever could.  I still use the Care "C" - particularly on teenagers.