Vacation series- vomit fun times!

I know I know- it's been busy. Anyway I still have a couple of more vacation articles- Disneyland 60th and that should be it.

Sooooo- I tend to get sick a lot lately, pregnancy, gall bladder, who knows. All I know is it strikes fast and suddenly. So what do you do when you are in a brand new Honda Odessey when the need strikes? Oh yeah coming from San Diego? In the middle of 5 lanes of traffic? No where near the shoulder?

You try to win the iron jaws award. Sadly, with vomit rising, it may be too late. 

Tips: Try to keep it contained. Use whatever you can get you hands on, purse, backpack, diaper bag, jacket.

I used my jacket. It held up nicely. Unless you have a Birkin, then save the bag. 

No complaining! Do even utter a word about your discomfort. Sit there in shame for you have soiled the upholstery!

Laugh it up!  You're covered in puke, there's an hour left to go. Reminds you of those wild nights of youth. All that's missing is the Taco Bell. Of course that could be the cause of the problem. Gingerly, gingerly... No, that does not mean dye your hair red. (It's a good look though, I recommended it!) it means when you get out of the vehicle keep those knees locked! Move slowly, don't let any spill! Be careful not to brush against anything. Scrub a dub dub! Once you've hosed off- get some cleaner and clean up your mess immediately! Can't let anything like that sit or else it's puke smell forever- and no one wants that. Also, it is wise to leave all windows down to insure proper ventilation. 

Throw those clothes away- or in the washer.  Protip- shake those clothes out! You don't want to end up with a wayward pair of panties at Disneyland. (True story!)

Wtf- Car Tales

I want to know why teenagers think it's ok to do gross things in their car. Do the think no one can see them? Are they like toddlers and think if they can't see you you can't see them? News flash! You spending your red light time popping a zit- gross by the way- I can see you. I can see you examine your face in the mirror and perform the Deborah Harry Hairspray routine. It's disgusting. And what will you do with it? You can't wash your face or hands! That's just gross. Not only that, you're like 5 minutes from school. You'll have the red funk face for at least half an hour.  So please, do your face a favor and take care of that in the morning at home. I recommend Clean and Clear morning burst. Follow it up with some Lumene vitamin C cream (you can find at CVS) Then if you're oily, I recommend tarte make up. You can find at sephoria or ulta. Request a sample first though- you don't want to find out you have a reaction to the make up. Good news though, Sephoria has an amazing return policy and the people there are wonderful.

TL;DR: don't pop zits in the car. Wash your face. Sephoria is awesome. 

Babies are disgusting creatures.

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure I'll hear it. Seriously though- aren't they? Sure, some babies are adorable (some are hideous, but were not supposed to talk about that... bless their hearts) but when you get down to it, they are bundles of grossness wrapped up in a blanket.  There is fluid everywhere! If it's not coming out of their faces then it is coming out of their backsides. Awww, they are so cute when they sleep... yeah and they sweat too.... yay more liquid.  They can't tell you anything, so you are stuck trying to interpret their tiny dance of fist waving and foot pumping while even more liquid drips from random places. I don't really understand the appeal...



Before you judge, I have 3 boys and yes, I did give both to all of them. They're even grosser when they get older. Boys are just gross. They smell. Try having a sleep over with a housefull of boys. Suddenly the house smells like feet! There's dirt everywhere- I don't know how or where it came from, but there it is- mud.  Boys. They're everywhere, and they're disgusting.