Ok. So the episode opens up with a 1950's-esque baby shower for Helena. She's sitting in a chair and Sarah is there, calling her meat head. Allison has made the cupcakes, and Felix is grilling, wearing a sweater a la Freddy from Scooby Doo. Kira is there, and Cosima shows up wearing a traditional Ukraine outfit. Everything seems perfect till a scorpion comes out from underneath Helena's ginormous belly. She wakes up- it was a dream! And now she's in a box. She moves to see out of the holes. The scorpion is there, and it talks to her, and sounds like Cosima. Is this her subconscious? Or is she just crazy? Or both?
Next we see a very gross pencil being removed from Rachel's eye. Gross gross gross
Beach scene, (lake?) Felix and Sarah are enjoying the outside with Kira and Delphine is there. She's showing Sarah the project Castor. Sarah says it's not her problem. Delphine shows her footage of an unknown sister clone and the Creepy boy clone making out in the elevator. Creepy boy clone was captured and will only talk to Sarah of course. These boy clones are all mental. Give them all the Emmys! Basically creepy the clone says to only trust the sisters. Sarah uses the clone phones to check in. Allison is at soccer practice with her children, Cosima is living with Felix and watching Kira. Delphine tells Sarah that there is a man coming, and he's A CLEANER. She tells Sarah she has to play her part and be Rachel. That the cleaner cannot know what they did to her. Sarah pulls a screw you guys I'm going home.
Allison is loading the soccer kids onto the soccer star bus. She is approached by a woman (Marci). She's a school trustee and is running for reelection. She tells Allison that she is inspired by her recovery and maybe for some campaigning she would provide the monthly potluck. Is this what people do? Seriously? Is this a thing? Allison asked if Marci plans on redrawing the district lines and says that would mean her kids would have to change schools. So instead of supporting her she is thinking about running against her. Donnie shows up carrying a box of obvious work stuff. He says he finally Susan what he thought of her. Her proudly says "I called her a bitch! To her FACE!" And they took his work car so he gets on the school bus with all the kids. Marci is watching the whole exchange. Looks like we can expect some small town political tension this season!!
Mrs. S arrives home carrying a bag of groceries. She notices something is amiss. She grabs a kitchen knife and out of the closet busts hoody the clone. And he has a creepy porn 'stache. All he needs is a windowless van and he'd be pedobear approved. He asks Mrs. S if she knows his face. She said she has never had the pleasure. That's not what he asks and he hits her. He reveals that he's a Castor and asks about prof Duncan. He has a weird twitch and asks about his research. S says she thinks it's at the institute.
We find out that Rachel completely lost the eye, and there may be frontal lobe damage. Delphine tells him Ferdinand the cleaner is coming asks the doctor if she can count on his support. He mentions that this happened before - Helsinki. She said Marian briefed her.
Sarah and Felix find Mrs. S on the floor. She tells Sarah that she made a war time decision and gave the castors Helena. Sarah storms out.
Kira and Cosima are playing and Cosima talks to Kira. Said she was having a dream and could see her body and came back to Kira. She asked if Kira felt it. Kira said I don't know then very grown up says "you had to come back so Delphine could make you better with my stem cells" that's not creepy at all, clone kid. There's a knock on the door, it's Delphine. Cosima is happy to see her, but knows something is wrong. Delphine says she is looking for Sarah. She says she is the new Rachel. She says she can't be with Cosima anymore. Cosima, hurt. Delphine says Cosima part is to cute her and her sisters. Kira inside holds the tank that Helena stole from the fish people. Pretty sure it has embryos in there. Babies for everyone! Are they Helena's eggs? Does she have eggs? Are they fertilized by creepy fish dad?
Allison and Donnie are working on finances. She says she wants to run for trustee. Clone phone rings- it's Delphine
Sarah and Felix are back at the shore. She's worried about Helena. Delphine calls.
Delphine, Sarah and Felix are working on making Sarah Rachel ready for the Ferdinand inquisition. In exchange Delphine will help her with recovering Helena.
Scott is taking Cosima's blood pressure. It's good. Why can't I have her blood pressure?!? He says he doesn't want to work on super secret shit any more. Cosima shows him Prof. Duncan's super secret code book. Tells him that until they decipher it then no one will know about it- not even the sisters. I hope he's not secretly on the enemy side.
Sarah is Rachel ready and they meet Ferdinand. She tries to make a quick get away but he says they need them both. Rhu rho! Says that Paul was a castor mole. Questions her choice of monitor. Sarah/Rachel says she submitted to dr leaked choice. Says that castor stole Helena. (Delphine looks at her like wtf are you telling him this for) he's like is this true? Says he needs to see Sarah which they are holding. In the elevator he is looking at Sarah/Rachel intently. Delphine watches. The go to the cell, to see "Sarah". It's Allison as Sarah. All the awards. Just hand them to her now. He asks her if she has ever met a male clone. He feels her up and asks her about her surgery. Allison freaks out and starts to break character. Sarah/Rachel slaps her and tells her to shut up. Perfect recovery way to go Sarah! Delphine said her surgery was proposed said you cannot remove the ovary of a woman who is ovulating. Said Sarah is contained and no risk to Topside. Sarah/rachel says that Helena is a priority and what are they going to do about it. He mentions Helsinki. Ferdinand wants see Sarah/Rachel tonight. She said she will look forward to it.
Naked Creepy Clone doing a pull up. Hellur butt shot! Goes and sits on the bed naked to meditate. Guards call him a naked Buddha. One leaves to do the rounds. Do you think they have telepathic ability? I mean he's meditating, Porn 'stache had that funny twitch?
Clones three way calls. Reassurances. Ferdinand shows up to Sarah/Rachel's.
Delphine is at Rachel's side and asks a series of questions Rachel tries to talk. Delphine pushes on her eye socket. Gross gross gross cringe cringe cringe. Delphine wants to know what she is planning with Ferdinand. Rachel mentions Helsinki. More gross eye torture.
Sarah/Rachel and Ferdinand. F asks if she slept with Paul. Says he thinks Paul was her bitch. You can see the lightbulb go off. Seriously the awards. Shoe to the crotch. Ferdinand is digging this. Helena is the cock block. F, frustrated, ha! Says that Helena has nothing to do with this that Rachel wanted Helsinki and that Marian was too soft. The sisters are too much of a risk and will expose Topside. Says the Helsinki girls were eradicated in 24 hours. Once they have Sarah's overies then put her down. Cosima will be induced tomorrow. Allison's end is on the way. They will be ended by house fire. Cut to shady man outside Allison's house. Sarah/Rachel excused herself. Says she needs a moment and goes to the loo to call Allison. Allison's working out and doesn't answer. Sarah/rachel leaves a message. Ferdinand comes in the bathroom and asks who she is talking too. Sarah/rachel hides the clone phone in a towel and picks up a metal nail file. He asks what she is up to. Says if she is not careful Helsinki will swallow her too. Asks her what she wants. She says she wants her sisters back. He says no, you want a child. And in true Sarah style she seduces her way out of the situation. Luckily Rachel is in to being a dominatrix so she gets Ferdinand face down on the bed with a belt around his neck and pulls tight. Delphine busts in before he passes out and tells them to stop. He says he is sanctioned by Topside. Sarah/Rachel says that Helsinki is happening. Delphine said conspiring with one clone to kill the others? who will pay for this? Rachel or Ferdinand. Said that topside will kill him and not her. He says what do you want.
Allison sees a security light go off so she investigates. She doesn't see goon hiding behind door. His phone says "cancel Helsinki"
Delphine tells Ferdinand to report back to Topside. He leaves. Sarah confronts Delphine. She says that she is trying to find Helena and Sarah needs to stand down for now.
Helena is in The box with her scorpion imaginary friend. She's been in the box for almost 48 hours. Military clone lets her out. Scorpion friend says congratulations, you escaped the first box. It sounds like Cosima. I picture it with little glasses on and kick ass eyeliner.
Naked creepy clone is still mediating. Gaurd is watching him. Boom head explodes. It's 'stachey the clone! He frees him and says "hello, brother"
Oh this is going to be an awesome season. I hope the boy clones get names tho, it's getting hard to keep people straight. So, what does Castor want with the Leda clones? What is Topside? Will the Ledas be cured? And what is Kira is she some super powered clone kid? Can't wait for next week!!!!
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