Jr High Redux

Shelly's blogs are always so fun and light hearted and funny (and much shorter) and mine are always so serious, wordy, and looong. :( Oh well, that's why we blog well, a little bit of something for everyone. :D

So, a quick recap backstory - I was happy and bubbly in my youth, right up until puberty (and self-awareness) kicked in and I realized I was awkward and had no filter so said wildly inappropriate things (usually the truth, but with no sugary coating). This awarded me many issues with peers and because of my mom's stellar parenting techniques (or the opposite of that) I learned when things get rough the best solution is to give into your fight or flight impulses and either run away or beat the problem into submission. No middle ground. So around 7th grade happy and bubbly turned into angry and cynical. I was in a lot of fist fights, and I switched schools and eventually just quit going. My mom made this okay by saying I was "home schooled" which really meant I got to stay home and watch TV. I love learning though so I did go to the library a lot and read all sorts of books and I would have my mom request my school work (before home schooling, when I was just missing) so I could do it. Anyways so I never learned social skills or how to cope with challenges.

So fast forward to 2004....I had a daughter. I didn't want a daughter. I had a bad feeling about having a daughter. She was cute though, I convinced myself it would be okay, I could do this whole raising a girl thing!

So now here we are 2015 and my daughter is 10.5 and lovely, seriously I like her best. She is the youngest so she gets the baby points, but she is also sweet and helpful and has a desire to make everyone around her happy. She also doesn't have patience, time, or focus for drama which seriously gets her all the points. That doesn't mean there isn't a huge attempt to drag her (and me!!!!) into drama and this is what I mean when I say I am in Jr. High again!

My daughter, Illy, has a friend, we will call her Veruca. Veruca is challenging (and her mother even more so). Veruca gets her own way (or else!!), and she is not made to deal with challenges or do anything that makes her uncomfortable. When my daughter plays with her they have to do everything Veruca wants to do. Whatever, that irritates me, my daughter doesn't care so I let it go. I don't get involved in my kids crap because I want them to learn all those skills I never did. If they want advice they can come to me and I will speak (probably way to) honestly about my opinions and/or advice, but other then that...not my problem.

If only the other moms were like that.....I am constantly being drug into the girls drama via the moms! I don't know if all of these moms had awesome Jr. High years they want to relive, but I got through mine with a high dose of drug usage and that is just not an option now!
Example: Veruca's mom recently asked me to lie for her when Veruca decided last minute she didn't want Maya to go on her birthday activity. Verruca's mom asked me to say she had cancelled the event even though she hadn't. I said I was no going to be doing that. Snitches may get stitches, but liars have pants on fire and I just don't move fast enough to deal with my pants being on fire. Also scars make you look bad-ass, having all your lower extremities burned is not so attractive and here at care C vanity is always a priority. ;D
Plus I am terrible at lying! If I have a lie or a secret the moment I am around the person involved that is the only thing that plays on repeat in my brain....that thing is there over and over until I open my mouth to say something normal like "pass the salt" but instead I say "Shenevercancelleedthebirthdaypartyshejustdidn'twanttoinviteyourdaughterbecauseherdaughterisaspoiledbratandsheaskedmetolieforherbuticantbecauseimterriblewithlyingandyoudeservethetruthandnowyouknoweverythingandilooklikeajackassspreadingdramasoimgoinghomenowandnevertalkingtopeopleagain."
Or that is how imagined that would go if I tried to lie.
I would never allow my daughter to un-invite someone she already invited because that's bullshit, but she can not invite whoever she wants and sometimes she doesn't get invited and that is A-OK because people are allowed more then 1 friend and they don't have to invite everyone all the time! My daughter is logical and understands she won't always get invited and she won't always be able to invite everyone. She doesn't lie to make excuses about it. That's all you can ask in my book.

Current drama...Veruca only shows up to the "fun" girl scout meetings. The hard work, the lessons, the things she doesn't like to do, she doesn't go and her mom ALWAYS has an excuse, but I have learned through observation her mom creates excuses and lies often, so I have no trust.
So we had a girl scout meeting was learning first aid! No reason for adults to be the only ones 1st aid certified. The girls may need to save me. Also they are almost babysitting age! Maya's mom went to get Veruca. Veruca refused to go. Mayas mom said Veruca was yelling at her and her mom to shut up, being rude and callous, ignoring, and refusing to go. Mayas mom told her she can't just go to the fun stuff, if she wasn't going to participate in the regular meetings she didn't need to be participating at all. Veruca said fine she quits.
So I get an email from Veruca's mom saying she is quitting. Luckily it was an email so she couldn't see my relief and joy. I'm so sorry to hear that, but you have to do you. Best of luck. Bye Felicia! Email response (noo! It was over!)....to be honest she doesn't want to quit (nooo! ::cries::), but Mayas mom gave her no choice and she just wasn't feeling good and she sick and school has been so hard since Illy left and what do I suggest?
I haven't responded....I agree with everything Mayas mom said.  I WANT to say what's done is done, your daughter is a disruption and not fully participating and you don't participate and you lie and drag me into nonsense I don't want to be in so good day and good riddance. Flight is my go to! I know I can't respond like this though, which sort of feels like a lie and like the truth may randomly fall out of my mouth at a not right time. More importantly, I don't want my daughter to have my lack of social skills. I know my daughter loves Veruca. I don't know why, but my daughter is sweet and caring (and happy and bubbly) and I trust she sees something I don't and I don't want to mess that up.

SO if anyone reads this....I need advice! How do you respond to this situation? Do you let other moms drag you into nonsense? How can this be avoided? Are you a dragger, and if so why are you so involved in your kids social lives, you can just stop, remember jr. high sucked and it was long ago and so very over and we can tell our kids to work out their own shit we are out and we will go have mimosa's and talk about annoying our kids are instead, that is so much more fun I promise! :D