What to get the woman who has everything?

Aka- my mom is hard to buy for. Alas, fair readers, Mother's Day is almost upon us! And what, pray tell, should I bequeath the woman I owe so very much? When you give someone life, well, everything else is rather commonplace. Throw in extreme Catholisim in the mix, and you have an impenetrable wall of gift giving and eventual disappointment.  The house already rivals the Vatican in religious artifacts, so that's out. She had the black thumb of doom, so that's out. Jewelry you say? Well, she gives that back to us in a year or so, so that's out. She doesn't want clothes, church is her hobby, and I just can't even. We used to do gift cards to places to eat, but now they are on a restricted diet. What is left? What can I do? No pedis, manis, or massages. She watches no movies. We already gave her a kindle. I'm at a loss. Help! If you can possibly think of anything that may suffiece, please email me at thecarec@gmail.com 

I'm desperate!!!! At this rate it's going to be a macaroni box with a turkey hand card. 

I told you I was mean

How I love that song by Ellle King. However, that's not the subject matter of today's post. Today, I am taking great satisfaction in messing with people. Apparently, your body has a muscle memory. Instead of remembering my former high school glory and abs; my body would rather remember the last time I was pregnant. Needless to say, the bump is here. There is no hiding it. So, when people ask me if I'm expecting I look up in horror and whisper, "why, do I look fat?!?" It's been great fun. I let them squirm and stammer for a minute before I tell them I'm joking. I've always wanted to do this! Mwa ha ha ha! I told you I was mean. Now, for my next victim.

Orphan Black. Sn 3 ep 3

This won't be as detailed of a recap as I normally do, since I am just now watching...

It opens with Felix and Sarah putting the Dead Castor Seth in the tub, when Art decides to make a nice little surprise visit.  Coaima skypes in and said that it sounds like the Castos have a design flaw and they really need to examine his braaaaiiiinnnns.  Art says he got a lead on the mushing fish dude Mark. 

Mark is holed up in a hotel with Gracie as they try to honeymoon and share secrets. He confesses that he never left the army that he was assigned to recover stolen material.  

Allison and Donnie blackmail the neighbors with drugs to win. I love it. 

Art and Sarah stop the midwife. She tells Sarah Helena is pregnant with Henriks child. They drive and talk about Beth. He tells Sarah to look up Hendricks aka. 

Gracie and Seth go to confront Mr. Fitch. She gets a mysterious box. 

Helena is in the cell. Virginia doc gripes Rudy. Tells him to go to her office. Paul and her talk. Says the defect is getting worse.  And they need the original genetic material. She needs him to buy more time with the director. 

Codina and Scott take Serbs brain. Pretty damn gross too. 

Rachel is working on recovery. The doc says that she's dead to topside, but she is more valuable than she knows. She does not recognize the castor logo. 

Rudy has some major mommy issues. 

Art and Sarah question finch, and midwife goes to new fish house and says she may know where Mark took Gracie. 

Mark is disappointed with the box of notes from mr finch. He's going to see to it himself and says he'll be back in an hour. 

Oh and art was in love with Beth and they did the horizontal tango. 

Rudy taunts Helena, Paul apologizes and Helena threatens to kill them all 

Sarah runs into Gracie praying at the diner. She tells her that Mark is a big old cloney clone clone.  Meanwhile Marky Mark of the cloney bunch is playing the pain game with Willard looking for Hendricks stuff.  Gracie's mom shows up at the hotel. They have a heart to heart. 

Scott and Cosima are in the lab. Seth's brain was rapidly deteriorating- he wouldn't last a week. Cosima is comparing the Leda DNA to the castors.

Sarah is creeping around finches warehouse and Cosima calls. The Castors are their brothers.  Sarah runs into Mark said finch died of a heart attack.  Mark corners Sarah and she tells him that they are family. He doesn't believe her and goes to the truck. Sarah watches from the garage. Suddenly he falls. He has been shot in the leg by Gracie's mom. He crawls to the cornfield as she hunts him. Bang. 

Well that was intense! 

Clone death count this week 1 Castor - RIP Mark. 

Kinda missed the imaginary scorpion friend. 

2 be two or not 2 be that is the question.

In my family, on my mother's side there are twins. They're are 8 sets confirmed, and 1 rumored. Our beloved grandmother, Maman Arnaud had 3 sets, my mother being on of the twins. Out of each twin set that lived, one of those had a set of twins, and one of those had a set of twins. Another cousin had a set, and  allegedly a cousin ate her twin in the womb, but that has yet to be confirmed. Anyway, when any one of the cousins, particularly of my generation are expecting, we all secretly watch Facebook to see if the twin magic will land on them. I am happy to report that the twin magic did not land on me, and I only have 1 bun. Whew! Dodged that one! Singleton power!

Now, can I hope for a girl?

Sorry Care C-ers!

Sorry about no post yesterday, my gallbladder is trying to kill me. Also had 8th grade banquet for Dade last night. The teachers and helpers did an amazing job. Anyway, Orphan Black recap will be later tonight. So stay tuned. 

Fashion Fridays!

New feature- well maybe. We'll see how it goes. Anyway, in case you hadn't already seen my billion post on being pregnant, today's fashion tip is on how to hide a pregnancy you're not ready to reveal yet. Readers, you don't count because you are all close family and already know. Besides, there's like what, 4 of you? 

So, how do you hide a pregnancy for a bit? Well, you can try this obvious, which is baggy clothes. I don't recommend this method because it looks trashy. You can also try wearing your regular clothes with a belly band. A belly band looks like a tube top for your belly. You can wear your regular pants unzipped with this. This is not recommended because you look overweight.  What I found that works is the trifecta: maternity clothes, oversized purse, sweater. That's right, maternity clothes. Why? Because they're loose where they need to be at this time, and no one will notice. Plus you'll be hella comfy.  The oversized bag? Well, one, you have the excuse to shop for a new bag, and two, if you have a big bag no one will notice what you're hiding underneath. The same can be said for a sweater. Toss it on and viola! You're covered up by its bulk. Cardigans also work. It's not so much as disguising the burgeoning bump as it is distracting from it and diverting focus elsewhere. For example, the chunkier the earrings the less likely people are going to look down. They'll be distracted by accessories! 

Now go out and look fabulous! 

Pregnancy is fun! <- sarcasm.

Ah the joys of motherhood and the wonders of pregnancy. Your body, ever growing and changing, brings life into the world. Well for today's fun filled adventure, I received a gift. Yes, I woke up with huge boobs. They didn't come in gradually over time. The Titty Fairy clearly visited during the night and gifted me with Jessica Simpson's chest. I think they're going to hulk out of this top any second. Looks like Cletus the Fetus will be eating good when he gets here- in like 8 months. That's right, when its your 4th every thing explodes out really early.