Why Bath and Body Works?

I went shopping this weekend. Was just going to window shop; I'm in lockdown till after our DisneyWorld trip in a few weeks. Anyway, stopped into Bath and Body Works. They had the most fantastic scent in there. Smelled like a gigantic lemon sugar cookie. Smelled so crisp and fresh and lemony! I just loved it. Lemonchello is its name. Fabulous- and of course it comes in a candle, shower gel, lotion, body creme... yeah. I'm $50 lighter. Thanks BBW.

http://www.bathandbodyworks.com/product/index.jsp?productId=34778596&cm_vc=200&&MobileOptOut=1

I have a hard time with scents. Allergies- thanks genetics. Anyway, I can't do florals. I can do citrus scents so I am super pumped about this one.

I love my sons girlfriend.

I may have mentioned before how much I love my oldest sons girlfriend. I really hope she is my future daughter in law- no pressure! 

Why, you ask? This. So much this:

Other people's kids- do you like?

I mean really? Do you honestly like other people's kids? I'm not talking nieces or nephews or very close friends, but your kids school friends. I'm talking random kids that show up, kids in movie theaters, kids At Olive Garden.  Honestly, sometimes I don't like my own kids, why should I like other people's? I know I am not teacher material - I don't have the patience. Too many kids make me nervous. They're like the children of the corn and are going to get me!!! Am I crazy? Is it wrong for me to not like other people's kids? Is there some fundamental woman gene I am missing? Because when I see a crying toddler at a restaurant, I don't think Awww how sad, I think- please get that kid out of here so I can eat in peace. There is something wrong with me....

When good tv goes bad- still on Revenge

Well, Revenge ended last night, and I totally forgot all about it. My level of excitement was unparalleled, obviously. Any-I-forgot-and-don't-really-care-way, I read the recap and glad I was spared further effort. Truly, that was almost too much. Vickie and David are dead, Emily married Jack and they got a dog. The end. Lame lame lame lame.  I still don't understand how the writers turned such a great show into suck an epic fail. It was such a neat concept too! I binged season 1 and couldn't wait for season 2. I barely made it through 3, and hate watched 4 until I just couldn't even.  Canceling this mess was a complete mercy killing. Rest in peace, Revenge.

I told you I was mean

How I love that song by Ellle King. However, that's not the subject matter of today's post. Today, I am taking great satisfaction in messing with people. Apparently, your body has a muscle memory. Instead of remembering my former high school glory and abs; my body would rather remember the last time I was pregnant. Needless to say, the bump is here. There is no hiding it. So, when people ask me if I'm expecting I look up in horror and whisper, "why, do I look fat?!?" It's been great fun. I let them squirm and stammer for a minute before I tell them I'm joking. I've always wanted to do this! Mwa ha ha ha! I told you I was mean. Now, for my next victim.

Wtf- Car Tales

I want to know why teenagers think it's ok to do gross things in their car. Do the think no one can see them? Are they like toddlers and think if they can't see you you can't see them? News flash! You spending your red light time popping a zit- gross by the way- I can see you. I can see you examine your face in the mirror and perform the Deborah Harry Hairspray routine. It's disgusting. And what will you do with it? You can't wash your face or hands! That's just gross. Not only that, you're like 5 minutes from school. You'll have the red funk face for at least half an hour.  So please, do your face a favor and take care of that in the morning at home. I recommend Clean and Clear morning burst. Follow it up with some Lumene vitamin C cream (you can find at CVS) Then if you're oily, I recommend tarte make up. You can find at sephoria or ulta. Request a sample first though- you don't want to find out you have a reaction to the make up. Good news though, Sephoria has an amazing return policy and the people there are wonderful.

TL;DR: don't pop zits in the car. Wash your face. Sephoria is awesome. 

Tbt- kids tales

I was induced for Dade. The labor only lasted about two hours, he was a very easy birth. When he was presented to us, we looked at him. His dad looked at him, and looked at me. He said, "is he cute?" And I looked down and replied, "no".

Moral of the story: Not all babies are born cute. Some have to grow into it. 

Caveat: he's very handsome now! See, proud parents!  Also pictured- THE EX. It's ok, we're cool. 

Things I don't understand- Dolman Sleeves

Don't worry, there's pictures. So, I went shopping and tried this shirt on. Lo and behold it was a flying squirrel shirt! Most ridiculous thing ever. According to the Internet (must be true! bonjour!) it is supposed to make your shoulders look slumped in order to make your waits look smaller. Not so much.  It reminded me of that warm up suit Vector wore on Despicable Me. 

So here is a pic with arms down 

And ready for take off!

I don't see a minimized waist. 

*disclaimer- this is a mirror pic, so that mean 2 cameras. Since each camer adds 10 lbs, I'm really 20 lbs lighter. 

Little sisters and challenges.

Ha! That title may be misleading. I'm talking about actual competitions. We're doing this Fitbit challenge and she kicks my ass every time. It drives me crazy. She's sneaky about it too, she won't sync her Fitbit and I think I'm ahead and in the clear and then BAM! 5000 steps behind. Wtf. It doesn't help that I'm super competitive so in retaliation I'm outside at night, walking up and down the street like a prostitute (what the neighbors must think!?!) so I can beat her. I'm actually walking around while I blog this on my phone. So I'm sorry (not really I don't care) for all the grammatical errors if any. Watch out, Silver! I'm coming for you!!

I don't want to be the karma police

I don't want to be the Karma Police; (great song, thanks Radiohead) I've decided I'd rather be the Schadenfreude Sheriff. (This is the crap that I think about on my morning commute. I'm not crazy, I swear!) So, Schadenfreude. That's the act of taking pleasure in other people's misfortune. It's a German word (how very German of them, thanks Ave. Q!). So I'd rather be the Schadenfreude Sheriff, the seem to be more up my alley. I picture the karma police as kindly, gentler, police men that bring teddy bears to children. They gently dole out fair and just rewards/punishments. The Schadenfreude Sheriffs are the Texas Rangers of justice. Their punishments are swift and mighty. Oh, you want to be a dead beat dad and screw over your kid? BOOM! Your ex just got hired at the Child Support Office. Want to ride someones ass all down IH-10 when there is no where to move over? SHAZAM! When you pass them going 100 there's a cop. What? It's a construction zone? Enjoy that $700 ticket.

Yep. I could definitely be the Schadenfreude Sheriff. Where do I sign?

Toddler Tuesday- chillax

Sometimes it's just time to throw caution to the winds and say the hell with it. Currently Eric is playing in the muddy puddles and throwing dirt and rocks. He's having a grand time. I'm not too concerned about the clothes or future mud; he's having fun and making memories. Plus, all that dirt is good for the immune systems. So, uptight mamas, it's ok to let your hair down and let your kids play in the dirt. They'll live and you can drink ice tea on the porch while they explore their world.

What's in your emo playlist?

So I thought it would be super hilarious to make my 14 year old a goth type depression playlist, since his almost to that age anyway. Figured better be prepared, right? While compiling this thing of beauty I realized that I still like all this music and I may just have to listen to it myself. Heh. So we have. Of course the classics, The Cure, The Smiths, Peter Murphy, Souixsie and the Banshees. Then we've gotta add a bit of Skinny Puppy, a dash of Book of Love, and the. Round out with New Order. I'm really excited. I can tell him how the music will "speak" to him, but I'm pretty sure he'll ignore it for something lame. (I'm looking at you, Ariana Grande.) Anyway, I'll let you know how he likes it. Gotta favorite artist? Share with the class! I love new music and am not stuck in the 80's. The Cure is still making new music, they count. 

Throw Back Thursday- Kids Tales

Once upon a time, Dade and I were arguing about something. He was about twelve at the time. All of a sudden, he turned and looked at me. He said, "you just feel that way because you haven't found Jesus."  To which I casually replied, "yes I did, he was hiding behind the sofa."  Dade's mouth dropped open, he looked at me and walked off. I hear his voice drift back to me from the hall, "I don't even know what to say to that...."

Moral of the story: Don't sass your mama. She has a comeback bank with 30+ years of sassy deposits

I would use Jem's earrings for evil.

I so would. What? There's this supercomputer with tiny projectors that can totally change my appearance? Forget earning money for the foster girls- I want to be thin and young. Maybe a model? Whatever, I'll settle for being thin and pink hair. Jem's hair was the bomb. Plus think of all the insane possibilities! You could totally pose as world leaders! Celebrities! I would have so much fun as George Cloony.  Can you just imagine? Hahahaha you could pretend to be Gordon Ramsy and go to Taco Bell. You could be Martha Stewart and craft at Hobby Lobby.  Oh oh! You could be Anna Wintor and judge people's clothes. That would be so fun. Showtime Synergy!

I'm going to lose it one day.

What am I going to lose one day? My southern filter. You know, that little voice inside your head (that Jamie doesn't have) that says things such as, "bless your heart" and "most unfortunate" when you really just want to say "f*ck off".  As you may have seen from previous posts I have a love hate relationship with facebook. I love to watch the drama and hate the stupid equally. So the filter I am talking about is pertaining to fb. One day I am just going to lose it and type everything I think. Heh!

The Inquisitor: this person asks randoms questions on fb. Ex: Does anybody knows where I can find this one thing? Does anybody know where this event is happening?  I'm sorry, did you mean to type this in Google?

The Vaguebooker: this person is always hurt about something someone did- but never gives the details. Ex- You know who you are and what you did and I'm so hurt! Yeah, unless you're going to dish I don't care. 

The Perfect Parent: this persons sole purpose on FB is to brag about their kids. That is their only posts. No one likes their kids that much. Seriously, NO ONE. 

Of course there are others, I just did my top three. One day I'm just going to post what I think and enjoy the fall out. Till then, I will just continue my love hate relationship with FB. It's like a bad boyfriend.

I love you more when you're gone.

My oldest son, Stephen, is off at college. I can honestly say it's pretty awesome. He's off in his own world, doing his own thang, and NOT eating my food. Do you know how nice it is to go to the pantry and see food? It's brilliant. I haven't had to hide to eat a snack in months. Living with boys is like eating with a horde of locust. You have food on the stove; they pass through and total desolation. Nothing but empty pots and pans. You know what else is great? When he comes home, I actually want to see him. There's no time for teenage theatrics, it's just nice adult conversation. Now, to get the other two out of the house.

TBT- Kid's Tales

Once upon a time: S was home from college for winter break, and E was watching The Little Mermaid. Prince Eric was on screen and E said,"look, Stefan, that's me, Eric!" S looked at me and sneered. "Really, mom? You named your kid from a Disney movie?"  I looked at my oldest child and smiled, "what's wrong with that, King Stefan from Sleeping Beauty?"

Moral of the story: Don't knock your mom's name game.

HBO and Scientology

Soooo I can't wait for Going Clear, an HBO show about Scientology. It's supposed to be quite the exposé! I'm sure Tom Cruise is squirming now.  Supposedly HBO hired 160 lawyers in preparation for the fallout from Scientology. Now, this is an HBO documentary adaption that is based off of a book Going Clear: Scientology, Hollywood and the Prison of Belief by Lawrence Wright. I have got to read that book. This documentary features interviews with ex-Scientology members. I'm really looking forward to it! It should be very interesting. This is a religion founded by a writer of science fiction! And they get tax exempt status! For interesting facts about how that was maintained- look up Operation Snow White. Going Clear airs on March 29th on HBO.  This ought to be good. 

It's the little things!

So I am super excited that Chicken Fries are back at Burger King. They are the one of the worlds most perfect food. You can eat them while driving. You can dip perfectly in ketchup. Even better- they taste amazing. We, sadly, do not have a Burger King close to where I live. I will drive 10 miles to have you, chicken fries. You WILL be mine. Calories be damned!

Breakfast has the best food.

I love love love breakfast. It is truly a wonder to behold. It has the best selection of food! You can eat anything for breakfast and it's ok. Left over pizza- hit me. Cereal- awesome. French toast, more please. You can have sweet, salty or both! When we were planning our wedding (spoiler alert- we eloped to Disney) we were planning on having a breakfast brunch. Everyone likes breakfast. The only think that can possibly beat breakfast is brunch. Mmmmmm french toast... And bacon.  So, who has the best breakfast? Any memorable breakfasts you have had? One for me at DisneyWorld at the Coranado Resort Restaurant they had Creme Brûlée French Toast. It was freaking amazing. I dream about it. It's worth going there for that.  I wrote a haiku about breakfast. (I may have a problem)

Breakfast is the best
French toast, pancakes, bacon, eggs
I love you so much

Ok so I may have a slight problem. Really, can you have a more perfect meal? Some of my favorite memories was when mama declared it Breakfast For Supper Night and we had pancakes. Now I realized she was really tired and didn't want to run to the store, but back then- it was magical.