Tbt- I'm not very nice pregnant.

I'm not very nice as a pregnant person. Some of the stories are well, down right embarrassing. So, I'll share one of them here!!

Once Upon a Time, in a land country as hell (aka Orangefield, Texas) I was riding in the car with my friend Christine. She was driving and we were going to the gas station. I was about 6 months pregnant with Dade. This lady cut us off. I did what and normal irritable pregnant person would do and rolled down my window (it was a crank! Memories!) and hung my head and every thing out of the window, and yelled, "HEY! HEY!" The girl turned to look, Christine was dying in the drivers seat, pulling on the back of my maternity top. I then screamed out, "C*NT LICKER!" Complete with the obscene mouth gesture and everything. I, now vidicated, sat back down in the seat. Christine punched it and hauled it out of there. 

Moral of the story: you can't take me anywhere. 

Meh~

I am not myself today. I'm not feeling great, thanks allergies. I'm a bit overwhelmed, fighting with Lamar over an old bill from when I withdrew, fighting with Dade's school over a warning vs a referral. It's all a bit much right now. Something you forget about the first trimester is the deep bone tired exhaustion you feel. I just don't have it in me. I think I need an extended 7 day nap.

I don't feel like blogging much today. I don't have a tbt for you, but I do have this picture. 

This is from baby Eric's (now 4) first hair cut. He is one here. Wasn't he cute? Anyway, my beautician is amazing. She kept him occupied and distracted with a sucker. No tears! Yay Karla! 

I told you I was mean

How I love that song by Ellle King. However, that's not the subject matter of today's post. Today, I am taking great satisfaction in messing with people. Apparently, your body has a muscle memory. Instead of remembering my former high school glory and abs; my body would rather remember the last time I was pregnant. Needless to say, the bump is here. There is no hiding it. So, when people ask me if I'm expecting I look up in horror and whisper, "why, do I look fat?!?" It's been great fun. I let them squirm and stammer for a minute before I tell them I'm joking. I've always wanted to do this! Mwa ha ha ha! I told you I was mean. Now, for my next victim.

Tbt- kids tales

I was induced for Dade. The labor only lasted about two hours, he was a very easy birth. When he was presented to us, we looked at him. His dad looked at him, and looked at me. He said, "is he cute?" And I looked down and replied, "no".

Moral of the story: Not all babies are born cute. Some have to grow into it. 

Caveat: he's very handsome now! See, proud parents!  Also pictured- THE EX. It's ok, we're cool. 

I'm going to lose it one day.

What am I going to lose one day? My southern filter. You know, that little voice inside your head (that Jamie doesn't have) that says things such as, "bless your heart" and "most unfortunate" when you really just want to say "f*ck off".  As you may have seen from previous posts I have a love hate relationship with facebook. I love to watch the drama and hate the stupid equally. So the filter I am talking about is pertaining to fb. One day I am just going to lose it and type everything I think. Heh!

The Inquisitor: this person asks randoms questions on fb. Ex: Does anybody knows where I can find this one thing? Does anybody know where this event is happening?  I'm sorry, did you mean to type this in Google?

The Vaguebooker: this person is always hurt about something someone did- but never gives the details. Ex- You know who you are and what you did and I'm so hurt! Yeah, unless you're going to dish I don't care. 

The Perfect Parent: this persons sole purpose on FB is to brag about their kids. That is their only posts. No one likes their kids that much. Seriously, NO ONE. 

Of course there are others, I just did my top three. One day I'm just going to post what I think and enjoy the fall out. Till then, I will just continue my love hate relationship with FB. It's like a bad boyfriend.

Friday

I was going to write this awesome fashion post, but it's Friday and I am fresh out of care. Instead I will leave you with this great tip: if you work in an office and are running late stop and get donuts. That way you can say "oh I was on time, but there was a long line at the bakery. Have a donut!" Then you come off looking like a hero and no one will really know the truth. Pro tip: it only works about once a month. 

Natalie Dee illustrated the below. Check her out! Www nataliedee.com