Crazy Ex-Girlfriend - Ep. 1 Recap/Review (Spoilers)

Okay I wasn't even going to watch this show because the title sort of offended my feminist sensibilities, but I am a sucker for a musical. Then I read an interview with Rachel Bloom (lead) and she explained its not called MY CXGF its not a man saying it about her, its the things we say about ourselves.
After watching this episode I liked it so much I watched it again to do this recap. It's unique and funny and it has some powerful messages & themes subtly (and often humorously) woven in without feeling like it's hammering you over the head with them (looking at you all Ryan Murphy shows). If you like weird quirky different shows and/or musicals do yourself a favor and watch this and then come back here and discuss it with me!

Camp Canyon Grove, 2005
A group of girls is singing, "I'm in love with a wonderful guy." One of the girls is a young Rebecca (Rachel Bloom).
Young Rebecca & young Josh (Vincent Rodriguez III) are walking toward the parking lot to leave camp. Rebecca is going on about her performance, she mentions her mom not showing up and that her mom wanted her to be doing mock trial instead. She tells Josh her mom wasn't even going to let her come, but then she called her dad on his honeymoon and told him she was 'having suicidal thoughts' and here she is! While she says this in a joking off-the cuff way trying to imply she manipulated her parents I got the feeling that perhaps she wasn't and that she had actually been having those thoughts, which is what makes the comment not offensive. 
Meanwhile Josh looks bored and awkward. His family is waiting for him, waving.
Rebecca gushes. She implies he took her virginity and tells him how connected they are and this has been the best summer ever.
Her mom shows up and honks. 
He tells her he will be busy and then he tells her she is dramatic and weird and they need a break. 
Her mom honks some more. "But I love you!." Rebecca explains. He thanks her and leaves. His family hugs him and he is gone.
Rebecca yells and looks sad and gets in the care with her mother who comments on a hickey and then tells her if anything happened she would go right to the abortionist. Her future is all that matters!

When was the last time you were truly happy?
Rebecca is listening to a voicemail from her mom. She is talking about a corporate case and the promotion 'they' have been working so hard for. The voicemail is short, but the mom manages to insult her dad's 'whore' and throw out she is being tested for cancer. Her mom is terrible.
Rebecca looks unhappy. 
She sees a commercial for butter that asks, "When was the last time you were truly happy?" which causes her to tilt her head to the side with a quizzical expression like she has no idea what the answer is to that. 
She is at her office and asks a woman about the corporate case. The woman is grinning huge at her. Laura wants to see her because she is being promoted. Now?! It was a surprise. Surprise! The smiling girl is obviously way happier. Rebecca looks like that girl just told her she was going to be beheaded. Rebecca spirals. "This is 'objectively fantastic, right? This is on paper fantastic." She says to the girl, more questioning than statement. She looks down and sees an ad for the butter again. "When was the last time you were truly happy?" She says she is going out for a smoothie. Other girl looks shocked. Rebecca leaves.
Outside she spirals more. "This is great! I'm so happy! This is what happy feels like! Mom's gonna be so happy." She is saying it in a panicked definitely not happy voice. She leans against a wall and pulls out an 'in case of emergency' bottle of pills and spills them. She prays, "dear god I don't pray to you because I believe in science...but I don't know what to do" HA!
She looks up and the butter ad is a billboard. I guess god speaks through marketing. It would be efficient I suppose. The billboard provider arrow at the bottom breaks at that moment and the arrow drops down pointing to the street corner below and she looks down and who is walking up, but Josh. He looks glowy. Rebecca hears a choir, literally, "I'm in love!"
She chases him down. He finally turns around and it takes him a few seconds to remember her.
He mentions she didn't go back the next summer and she explains - mock trial. 
He says he always hoped he would run into her and says they had a good time that summer. 
He is moving. He's been trying to make it work in the Big Apple, but why get stuck in a rat race? Everyone is happy where he is from. This is a line anyone who ever moves somewhere and hates it/can't make it/is home sick uses. Rebecca doesn't see it. She clings to the thought of being happy. 
"Where are you from again?"
"West Covina, California." 2 hours from the beach, 4 with traffic!
He says if he had known to turn out to be so successful and hot, he let a good one get away! I hate him. He is a tool.
She hears the choir again. He glows again. He leaves. She glows.
She is back in her office in a meeting. A woman tells her she is the hardest worker, the job is her world. They offer her junior partner.
Rebecca says no. They look confused and think she is being stolen by another firm. Rebecca says it's not New York. Laura says Boston? then with a scowl Chicago? Then more confusion on her face as if she had just named all the cities!
"It's where dreams live." Rebecca whispers and leaves looking very happy.
She is on the street and breaks into the 1st song (not counting the camp jingle)

Musical # 1 - West Covina, California
It's a super cute song and dance number. It's silly in all the right ways and her dress is super cute and sort of Disney princess-esque, but not over the top. It shows her move to West Covina and buying a town house. She sings she is definitely not having a nervous breakdown and it's so 'random' Josh just happens to be there. 
Title Screen

Live, Work, Play
Rebecca is in her new home pouring 5 bottles of pills in her sink. I am not sure this is a great idea, but clean slate right? Perhaps it would have been a better idea to taper off her meds with the help of a therapist because cold turkey is not usually a good idea. I hope the writers address this because there is already a lot of negative and misinformation about medication for mental illness this isn't helping. Her mom calls and is freaking out about her not accepting partner and moving to California. Her mom found out from her Facebook page. She hopes its not a stunt like her suicide attempt in law school. Not helping the argument in favor of dumping her meds. Did I mention her mom is terrible? She is. Rebecca hangs up on her. 
Rebecca sits on her couch and txts Josh. Then she waits and waits and waits by her phone for a response.....
In the morning she is walking into Whitefeather & Associates. Darryl Whitefeather (Pete Gardner), or Chief, as he wants to be called is gushing over her and her credentials. 
She asks if there is a problem with cell phone service. She is still watching her phone. At this point I wanted to break her stupid phone. I really don't think she should have disposed of all those meds. Sometimes medication is necessary. Chief mentions he is getting divorced. He introduces her around the office. 
The head paralegal, Paula (Donna Lynne Champlin), is super confused about her resume. Harvard, Yale, Mandarin! She doesn't think it makes sense why she is here. 
Rebecca mistakes her for her assistant. Paula is not amused.
Mrs. Hernandez (Gina Gallego) is the communication director, but says nothing. 
Chief takes her in his office and tells her he is in the middle of a divorce and his wife has an amazing 'real smart jewish guy' attorney. Rebecca says she is Jewish. He says her nose is small so he had no idea. Wow! He cries. He says he wants Rebecca to represent him because his wife is trying to take their daughter away from him. Her specialty is real estate law.  She says she will think about it.
Her phone dings. - Josh Chan has checked in nearby - She leaves quickly.

She goes into a concession restaurant at a baseball field and is looking around. Bartender asks if she is lost. The bartender is funny and cute. She doesn't notice at all. His buddy just moved back from New York and who is his buddy? Josh Chan. He just left, she just missed him. 
She tells the bartender, Greg (Santino Fontana - Hans from Frozen!), her version of the truth, I like this because she plays it perfectly so that you aren't quite sure if she realizes she is lying and twisting it or if she is that delusional and has convinced herself this is the real story. Her story - she was looking to relocate to LA because she is a beach gal, but then Chan tells her West Covina is great and that same day she gets a job offer from Chief. crazy right?
Greg says moving there to be near the beach is crazy because they are four hours from the beach, people say two, but those people are dumb. HAHAHA I love this guy!
He tells her Josh will be at a party tomorrow night. He invites her to go with him, like a date. She agrees.
Back at work Paula and Rebecca discuss a case. Rebecca is happy and dance-y.
Paula isn't buying any of her. Paula says she has something fun to do, figuring out Rebecca.  

Musical # 2 - Sexy Getting Read Song
OMG this song is hilarious! We see Paula snoop on Rebecca's computer while Rebecca is getting ready for her date with awesome Greg (although she is singing about Josh). The song is about everything women go through to get ready to go out. It's spot on and so funny, especially the break away - let's see how the guys get ready - and Greg is asleep on his couch. ha! So good. 
Rap part, featuring Nipsey Huddle, and then he stops and looks at her bathroom counter and is shocked at the 'nasty ass patriarchal bullshit' then he leaves saying he has to go 'apologize to some bitches' lol. 
Rebecca comes out to meet the bartender who says she looks amazing. 
"Oh I totally just woke up from a nap." Suuuuurrre lol

At the party Greg said he was accepted to Emory, but his dad got sick. Aww. His parents are divorced, Rebecca says hers are too. She is not really in the conversation, she is looking for Josh. Greg thinks maybe she is into Josh. She kisses him. She is still looking for Josh while kissing him. She changes their venue, outside, inside, kitchen, they move around making out while she looks for Josh. They find a bedroom. He gets a txt, Josh isn't coming, he is going to his girlfriends ciencienara. 
Rebecca is confused because facebook said he was single. She keeps making out with Greg, but asking about Joshs girlfriend. Bartender is increasingly awkward. She is kissing lower and lower asking questions the whole time. 
Josh dated this girl in high school and he moved back to be with her. 
She is crying, but about to go down. He stops her and says it's not good to hook up with a crying girl. He says she shouldn't be there and he will drive her home.
Rebecca & Greg are leaving, but then Rebecca looks up and sees that Paula is there.
Paula came to chat with Rebecca and pulls her aside. 
Paula thinks Rebecca thinks she is smarter than her. Rebecca looks confused.
Paula calls her out on checking Josh's FB and Instagram a lot and says she is obsessed with him!
Paula tells her she moved here for him and is in denial.
Rebecca says she barely knows him and only dated him for 2 months at summer camp when she was 16 and that she left behind a job that would have paid her 545,000 a year (holy shit) for a guy she barely knows?
She ran into Josh and then moved here, she is not crazy. 
Paula arches an eyebrow.
Rebecca becomes self aware. She spirals about being crazy.
Paula is her friend now, because she sacrificed for love and she is brave. Paula tells her she is not alone and they can win this!!
Josh txts asking if she wants to grab dinner?

Musical # 3 West Covina - Reprise
Paula and Rebecca sing together. Paula asks if Rebecca wants to go drive by his house. Rebecca confusingly asks, "You know where he lives?" lol

At the end you see the rapper, Nipsey Hussle calling a variety of exs and backup dancers apologizing for making them wear certain things and behaving in certain ways with a list of a lot more to call entitled "Bitches to Apologize to" hahahaha

Review - This show could be annoying and offensive, but it isn't because unlike Rebecca it is totally self aware. It is clever, silly, and funny, but the premise of the show is about patriarchy and mental illness which are some very serious topics. It walks the line really well. 
Is Rebecca actually crazy? I think this is the ultimate question this show is exploring, along with what is crazy? Five medications is a lot to be on for someone who doesn't actually have a mental disorder, but this could be her terrible mothers doing also (who mentioned possible having cancer and an aunt being sick). Was she miserable because her parents are terrible and she was leading a life for her mom and not herself or was that only a part of it and she actually has some real issues?
I think the answer isn't one or the other. I think it is nuanced like Rebecca. I love how upbeat and silly the show is, but I hope it won't shy away from more serious moments in the future, like say a crash/spin-out from dumping her meds. 

Did anyone else watch this? What did you think? Comment below!

Scream Queens Recap Spoilers!!!!

So we open in 1995. Sorority girl comes down the stairs with bloody hands. She finds her friends and tells them something bad happens. They go upstairs to the bathroom where they see another girl has given birth. They gripe at her for having a baby and they leave her to go and dance to TLC's waterfalls. Bloody hands stays with her. When they return they see that she has died and bloody hands has the baby. This is suspicious to me. Sure she may have died from child birth, but she may have died from crazy friend too. 

Present day- we meet the new Sorority girls. There is Chanel 1 (Emma Roberts) the president and HBIC. She has 4 minions, Chanel 2 (Ariana Grande), Chanel 3 (Billie Catherine Lourd) and Chanel 5 (Abigail Breslin). There was a Chanel 4 but she went home sick, and died of meningitis. The Dean (Jamie Lee Curtis) summons Chanel 1 to her office and says she doesn't like her, and there's a flash back to where Chanel was a minion to the previous president. The then President didn't like her and uninvited her to a vacation and sent her out the room. Another minion spray tans the president and her skin melts off. The other minions leave her and the red devil is there. Someone had switched the spray tan for hydrochloric acid. Back to the present and the dean says she's shutting down their charter.  A lawyer, Gigi mysteriously shows up and says that she can't shut down the charter and sends Chanel out the room.  She was wearing 90's clothes, including a very ugly jean skirt. She seemed very eager to get Chanel 1 out of the room. Gigi then says she has a suggestion for the dean. 

Grace (Skyler Samuels) is just arriving at school with her dad and he begs her not to pledge a sorority. She had a pin and it was her mom’s pledge pin and sad moment. They hug and he leaves. She meets roommate Zayday (Keke Palmer) and she's cool. They have coffee, bond about being motherless, and talk about pledging the sorority. Grace sees the red devil. 

Dean and Gigi are at the sorority for a rush mixer. The dean announces that the sorority has to accept every pledge that applies. This causes all the cool girls to leave; with only the imperfects left. They are Neckbrace (Lea Michele), Deaf Taylor Swift, Predatory Lez, and a Candle Blogger. (Grace and her roommate are also pledging)

Boys playing golf. They are Chad and Boon (Nick Jonas). Chad is Chanel 1 boyfriend. He dumps her because she's not popular anymore. "I can't date a garbage person" I couldn't help thinking they were perfect for each other with how terrible they are.

Chanel recruits the maid, who she calls white mammy, in a plot to scare off the pledge rejects. She recruits her with horror stories of spices, poop, and backsplash. She makes a spectacle of herself ordering coffee. Grace then makes a joke with the poor barista dude (Diego Boneta). They chat and she tells him she's pledging. He begs her not to, and up walks Chanel. Apparently he used to stalk her. 

Chanel and white mammy have arranged a fake fight where Chanel puts mammy’s face in the fryer- which is supposed to be off. The fight happens and the grease isn't off and her face gets burned off and she dies. Before she dies she rips off her melting face, like for longer than necessary, it was gross and it seemed like it was meant to scare the girls. I actually thought it was the plan still. Grace wants to go to the police, but Chanel tells her no. Chanel tells her if she goes to the police they will say that Grace killed her. All the pledges agree with Chanel, once their bribed. All except for Zayday, she calls the other girls ratchet.

Grace- "you're an awful person"

Chanel-"maybe, but I'm rich and I'm pretty so it doesn't really matter. "

Soooo they hide the body in the deep freezer- while barista dude watched everything from the bushes.

Jamie Lee Curtis smoking a dube total win. She's in bed with some dude Chad? Is that Chad? Yes it is and he is in love with the dean, apparently. She says, of course he is because it makes the situation more pathetic, ha! And talking about the glory days of feminism. She turns to the dude, who is a student being blackmailed for sex; he's on academic probation, and tells him that he is awful in bed. Hahahah

Grace is having coffee with the barista dude. He mentions that he knows they hid a body. She says she wants to help him with an expose on the Kappas. She said she'll be his eyes on the inside. They decide to go and examine the body. They see Chanel and Chad doing the same so they hide. Chanel and Chad open the freezer and no body!

The Chanel’s are doing a lame blood oath thing and #2 can't handle it. She says she is leaving. While packing she gets a text from an unknown number that asks if she is afraid to open the door. It's the Red Devil. She stands looking at him and he texts her if she's afraid to dance wit he the devil and she texts back maybe. He dips her. He texts her again. I'm going to kill you know. She responds- wait whaaaatt? And he stabs her. She kicks him off and texts him to stop. This was so funny! I agree! She crawls to her laptop and starts to update her Facebook status to Red Devil Killing me please help. The red devil is coming up behind her and stamps her in the back. She falls. She comes too long enough to hit enter and update her status. Which no one ever mentions!! Whyyyy is this not mentioned? Wouldn't the girls notice her next to her laptop or get the status update on their phone? This was such a hilarious scene, but the lack of anyone noticing so bothered me. I guess it's more of the social commentary regarding the perceived narcissism of that generation that no one even notices a status update about being murdered?

Chanel goes into her room and she hears a scream. They run into #2 room and see that she is dead. They then realize the pledges have arrived for hazing. They go downstairs to meet them. Grace stands up to Chanel and they go have coffee to settle their differences, yeah it doesn't work. Grace leaves. Meanwhile Chanel #5 is at the house and in charge. She buries the pledges to their necks in the yard and leaves them. Oh here comes the Red Devil on a riding lawnmower and there goes the top of Deaf Taylor Swifts head. Hilarious! I feel this was paying homage to Heathers! I closed my eyes for this. I just couldn't. Why did the killer not use this chance to go ahead and run them all over? Why just the 1?

Dean Munch tells all the girls they are suspects and orders them not to leave campus. They will fail college if they leave.  They are getting security to keep them safe. 

The Chanel’s are still trying to decide what to do with #2. Neckbrace shows up and offers some pretty hilarious creepy suggestions. They decide to wrap 2 in the duvet and to put her in the freezer. Because that went so well the last time. I half think they hope the body goes missing so they don't have to deal with it. 

Gigi is introducing the girls to the new security guard, Denise. Who has three rules if in danger, 1. Scream Denise Hemphill real loud, unless she isn't there then 2. Call an 866 number or 3. Run! Yeah this isn't going to end well. 

Pledges end up scrubbing the floor and Grace goes to get soap in the creepy basement. Oh there's the red devil in the window. Grace is trying to get soap and to reach she tries to climb the bookcase. It of course falls and reveals a hidden padlocked door. She tried to open it and #5 comes up behind her. She tells her only the president has the key and tells Grace to go back upstairs. 

She tells barista dude about hidden room and they decide to find out more. He's going to break into the Deans office and she's going to break into the hidden room. They kiss. 

Grace's dad is in Dean Munches office. She's trying very hard to seduce him. She convinces him that Grace is safe. He asks for a teaching position because he is a professor. The Dean pointedly tells him his daughter is not a target and gives her assurance of that. Was this the bullshit assurances of a dean in denial trying to save her ass or the assurances of a killer who knows she isn't targeting his daughter? hmmm

Grace breaks into the hidden room. It is a lot of furniture, junk, costumes, creepy dolls and a bloody bathtub. In a box is a bloody formal dress. Chanel 1 comes up behind Grace and there's a flashback to the the bathtub birth. Apparently white mammy and Dean Munch covered everything up. Present time and Grace wonders what happened to the baby. 

Chanel and Chad are doing it and it sounds terrible. He's apparently not doing it for her and she dumps him. "Nobody breaks up with Chad Radwell" Chad storms off and goes to pout in his own dorm room. Boon is there in his own bed. They talk and Chad goes to bed. Boon asks if he can sleep with him because he is scared. Boon is gay, and Chad lets him sleep in the bed with him as long as he promises not to grab his wiener. Meanwhile, here come Chanel to apologize for breaking up with Chad. She opens the room and she's him and Boon spooning. Chad follows her out and begs her not to out his friend. He tricks her into apologizing- and then breaks up with her because she is a homophobic, spoiled little girl. Chad just became my hero. Yeah, I liked that he was cool to his bro like that, but he is just as terrible as Chanel 1. 

Barista dude is breaking into the dean’s office. He's looking through some old files and sees some names from 1995. He finds a list of 5 names - Greenwell, Doyle, Meyer, Cohen, Stevens. Assumingly the 5 girls from the bathroom. Red Devil comes up behind him and hits him in the head to knock him out. Why not kill him? If he only kills soriety girls then why is he in the Deans office to knock out Pete? He comes too outside with a note on his shirt that says MYOB.  (Mind your own business) flash to him and Grace talking about the names he found. She opens his closet and there is a red devil costume! He's the mascot. If this is the mascot costume there could conceivably be more than one, especially over the course of the years. My question is who was the mascot in 1995. She asks how old he is and she realizes he's the right age to be bathtub baby! She runs off. While mentioning that she is 18 so she can't be the baby. After she leaves he smiles in a suspicious manner.

All remaining Chanel’s are in the coffee house. Boon goes up and asks if he can come out and then pledge Kappa. #1 thinks it's a great idea, but #5 is totally against and threatens to kill him. 

Security guard, Denise, is in her car on watch. There is a bang on her window and it is another security guard, she's supposed to be at Best Buy, but brought her burgers.  They hang out.  Inside the house, the girls look at the window at the guards and they see another car out there. Grace says it's her dad and Gigi goes to talk to him. They bond over 90's power ballads and they go get coffee. As they leave Dean looks at them ominously from the shadows. She looks super pissed! I wonder if those assurances are still good?

Meanwhile the girls are being hazed- the security guards are sleeping in the car outside. They hear a scream and Denise runs to the house. #1 says that the red devil tried to push her out the window. The girls want to go upstairs to investigate, and Denise tells them they need to get out of there. The girls go upstairs and Denise goes outside, back to her car. The girls’ upstairs see that "sluts must die" is written on the wall. Denise is heading back to her car where her friend is still sleeping. Oh there's the red devil in the back seat and he stabs the friend. Denise opens the car door and sees her friend is dead. She drives off and dumps the body out of the car. 

Boon is working out. Here's the red devil. A bunch of pretty queenly boys come to get him so they can "pick up sluts" yeah ok. They hear a scream and run to another room. There's Boon on the table with his neck slit. He is surrounded by lit candles. All the guys scream like the girls just screamed! 

The Kappa’s are all at the dinner table. It's the last meal and hell week will be over.  Denise and Chad burst in. Denise tells them about her friend and Chad tells them Boon is dead. 

The mortuary. Red Devil comes to a crypt and opens the door. He pulls out Boons body. Boon opens his eyes, and asks “What took you so long?" He pulls the fake throat cut off of his neck. Yay! He isn't dead so maybe there will be more bro spooning and work-out scenes. Or not, whatever, not like I care. ;)

Burning questions-

Who is the baby? Hopefully no one. Scream (MTV) just did the funny horror show with a who is the baby story line. It all seems very similar.

Who is the red devil? No ideas yet

What the hell Boon?  In on it. Perhaps it's what Gigi wanted to discuss with the Dean and it's just an elaborate plot to shut down the sorority and he was on academic probation and being blackmailed? Just a theory. 

Is Chad boinging The Dean? Yes and in love with her. 

Why is Gigi stuck in the 90's? Her therapist suggested it was because of a tragic event that happened during the 90's that stuck her there. Like say your friend having a baby in a bath tub. OR murdering said friend who just had a baby in a bath tub! ::gasp:: Again just a theory lol.

Alleged Death count- 4

Deaf Taylor Swift

White Mammy

Chanel 2

Denise's Guard Friend. 

Boon I added him to the list because everyone thought he was dead and since people are pretending to be dead it may be helpful to keep track of those sorts of things!

Favorite Jamie Lee Curtis Moment-

When she called the "I was where" posts narcissistic Yes!

Current Devil suspect- Dean Munch 

Jamie's suspect - Gigi; I think she is crazy friend from '95. 

Favorite Quotes:

"No one forced that goat to get as drunk as he did. That's on him."

"How did you get HPV? When were you in Mexico?"

"Shandell, why you got a knife through your throat?!?"

"Everbody wants to get with this. Women, men, animals at the zoo, plants probably."

Orphan Black S3 E9 Recap

Oh my word this episode was good! A major reveal, Helena's (not so) different path, and Gracie nooooo! ⚠ I didn't write this review while watching so its from memory. Hopefully , whenever Shelly gets around to watching, she will fix my errors and add the stuff I forget. Instead of going in order of show I'll go by character (although I'm saving the big reveal for the end).

In Londontown...
Sarah, Felix and Mrs. S go to London. Her old neighborhood, not theirs. They go to a bar, where Mrs. S seems like she used to be a rock star? What? They meet Terry, an old flame of hers, who also helped them get and hide Sarah back in the day. They are trying to figure out who/where the OG Castor is and after seeing the poem realizes the number is an old prisoner number. That's handy. So he is going to go see a guy about a thing. Mrs. S decides to sing a jam while she waits. Fun fact you learn if you accidentally forget to fast forward the commercials, that is the actress and her husbands real life band!
You see Terry making a call to Mrs. S telling her to meet him, but uh-oh Ferdinand is there waiting. After much torture Mrs. S decides to check her messages and they get to his place and he looks rough! He whispers something to Mrs. S and she gets her lying secretive face on and sends Sarah and Felix to the bar to wait like good children and forget the (mostly?) dead man they just saw. So of course the leave and do nothing she said because they know her lying face by now. Sarah took Terrys phone, which Ferdinand wasn't smart enough to get apparently, and she calls the last number and says she is Mrs. S and this ruse works. A cab comes to get her and whisks her away...the driver the hip though and demands answers, he remembers Sarah because he also was a part of the whisking her away as a child. He takes her to the address of Kendal Malone, the parole name Terry acquired. Meanwhile....

They all fell down...
Helena is helping Gemma train for karate by teaching the valuable lesson of eyeball gouging. Helena may not be the person who should train the kids to right.....or maybe she is! Gracie gives her a disapproving scold and Helena says she doesn't do that anymore now that she's a mom she is walking a new path! Gracie gives her a doubtful look, I had the same look.
So Donny's face has seen better days. He looks rough and Allison calls wondering where he is. He lies, not sure what his plan is or how he will explain how face, but whatevs. Knock knock. Thug at the door says Jason (I really want to call him JimmySteve because of his character on Shameless) is no longer vouching for them so he came to get the pills. No pills there so he took Helena's canister she had hidden there. I instantly knew this wasn't going to go well for him, I actually thought you poor man. Side note: how the hell can you remove and vouching for?!? At this point that crimelord or whatever knows Donnie/Allison, removing Jason seems beneficial to both of them.
Helena is rocking out and making soap. Gracie is all I'm going to the Dr and says goodbye. Now Helena is side eyeing Gracie, she is probably just thinking people are weird wanting to hug all the time and crap (or maybe that's me). Donnie comes home. His face is broken. He says he hit a post. "A post of fists" Helena opines, I love her. Shel note: I loved this so very much. 
She makes a healing paste she learned to make at the convent when the nuns beat her, don't let Allison know about this, she'll have Helena making it to sell at the shop! She wants the truth about his face, he tells her about Jason and the drug lord, Helena is slightly turned on he does this for his family. Shel note: Donnie tells her it's a Daddy decision for the family and that Helena is part of the family now. The look on her face was just so sweet. Helena has a family! It's what she's always wanted.  He tells her he needs to give the drugs back and they took a tank.....They took my babies?!? Shel note: Donnie says I guess I don't know that story. Hahahahha Oh yeah Helena is going with him.
He tells her to stay in the car. He does know this is a CLONE of his wife right? One that may or may not be slightly more emotionally unhinged. Sure she will just wait in the car. He goes in, gives back pills, asks for the tank and a refund. They laugh at him. Helena comes in, they think she is Alison. What's wrong with your voice? ::cough cough:: I have a cold. "A really bad cold that messes with your...syntax." Says Donny (this is a brilliantly funny line that I loved!) They give the tank back, but sorry no refunds, boss owns you. They are going to be the money people, to no benefit to them. Donny is pulling Helena out, guess he was asking for a refund as a negotiation tactic and is simply happy to get the tank and ya know...be alive. Helena seems irritated, but she's leaving. Then girl thug opens her mouth, she reminds Donny they know where Gemma and Oscar go to school. Helena hands the tank to Donny and pushes him out the door and locks it. She turns around and while looks crazy mad, at the same time there is a happy sparkle in her eye, like yay I have a good reason now! "You should not threaten babies" Donny is waiting by the car, maybe this is how it should have happened at the beginning. Helena walks out, with a newly acquired machete, a bag and covered in blood. Shel note: I think it was the blade from that irritating paper cutter! That makes me wonder what the hell did she do?!?  "I got refund, we should go." Now Donny looks slightly turned on. At home he is putting the money in a cooler when Allison comes home saying he wouldn't believe her day. She wonders about his face...he says they came into a lot of money.

Delphine has caused Cosima to doubt her girlfriend. She is looking through a file while Shay showers. She leaves quickly and goes to Scott and convinces herself further. She goes to Delphine and says she thinks her gf is a spy. Delphine goes to Shay and psychologically tortures her a bit. She not so vaguely threatens to kill her while running a bath. Cosima gets a call from Gracie saying how nice they all are and she is so very sorry, but the promised her and Mark could be happy. It was Gracie that sold then out!! What a cunt, after the helped her. Sisters before Misters Gracie!!! Shel note: Gracie, Helena is NOT going to like this- especially when she helped you escape the first time!!! 
Cosima calls Delphine and says oops my bad not Shay. Delphine strokes her razor blade and looks super sad about not getting to murder her ex lovers new lover (you only know she doesn't because Shay is still alive in previews). I still don't trust Shay btws. I like her way better than Delphine, but I don't trust her at all. shel note: They're both crazy, Cosima knows how to pick 'me

And Castor Woke From Slumber.
Back in London...Ferdinand calls Delphine all cocky like "Guess who is here in London and not locked up like you said?" She tells him to come there and talk. He thinks he has leverage.
I forgot at the beginning of the episode you saw the crazy doctor chick doing the critical thinking tests with Rudy. He is cracking up! She assures him their best cryptographers were analyzing the book.
Back to Sarah, who goes into the address looking for Kendal, Felix plays look out. The apartment is seemingly empty, but then a woman jumps out with a knife. Sarah is all I'm just broke in to find Kendal! The woman is like, you got her. Wha?! Sarah looks as confused as me. Mrs. S. Comes in and calls the knife wielding OG Castor woman mom?!? What?????? She was in prision for killing S's boyfriend. In prison Duncan did "cancer testing" on inmates. So how the hell is this woman the OG Castor?!? Oh she absorbed her male twin in the womb! Mrs. S is all well this is awesome came to kill OG Castor and get to kill mom too...but Sarah is quick like me....if Castor+Leda are siblings and Kendal is OG Castor she is also OG Leda!!! So they need her for their cure!

Such a good episode! I have some questions though....
Will Mrs. S kill her mom? Doesn't this mean Sarah and the other clone clubettes are genetically like Mrs. S mom? If they are her clones wouldn't Mrs. S think they look like her mom looked when she was young?!? I obviously have no idea how cloning works (in theory).
Why did Jason get them kicked off the team if he is trying to get close to Allison? Seems dumb. Also I hope he is scared now. :D
I have always loved Donnie + Allison, but I am LOVING Donnie + Helena, but they are my two favorite character's so that might be why. 

Shel note: next weeks episode is the finale. I'm sure there will be a cliff hanger and a death. They did green light season 4 so yeah!!! 

Burning question: WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO CRYSTAL?!? 

And ZOMG WITH S BEING A FEMALE RELATIVE THEY CAN HARVEST HER DNA AND SAVE COSIMA!!!!

Orphan Black s3 ep8 recap.

BDelphine is getting a manicure from a blonde Leda clone. The manicurist it's telling Delphine a story about how she was with a guy named Hector and an identical twin showed up. "Twins are so creepy" this was hilarious! 

Back in Mexico we see Dr Virgina in the cafe that Helena, Sarah, and Mrs S. Were at. She asks the waitress (the same on that helped them) if she saw twins. The waitress said that she doesn't rememeber seeing sisters. Dr. V toasts the congressman. She tells him that without the original genome the few boys she has left will be dead within the year. The congressman says that he has a source inside Leda. Dr. V has a revelation that Castor and Leda are an expire meant together. She asks who's in charge. He responds to keep the boys alive we can all get what we want. 

Delphine meets with dr Neal? I can't remember his name. They discuss the new clone, Krystal. They are setting her up with a monitor. The doc mentions Rachel's mobility is getting better. Delphine says they can't keep her around forever, she's a liability. 

Cosima and Sarah are skyping. They talk about cosimas illness. Sarah mentions that she keeps thinking about Beth and finishing what she started. 

Felix brings Helena to Donnie and Allison Donnie is not thrilled with the idea of Helena staying with them; Felix tells them it's their turn and if they don't he's going to tell everyone their awash with pills and the Portuguese mob. Meanwhile Helena is with Allison's daughter and shows her the container she took from the fish house. She tells the girl that it is her babies and she hid them at Felix's to keep them safe. 

Back at shae's Cosima is getting some spiritual healing. 

Sarah is skyping with Scott. He tells her about Rachel and the book. Later he and Rachel are playing the farm game and Delphine comes in. She tells Rachel that she is improving. Rachel tells Scott that she is a threat to her. Delphine responds- how did you deal with threats? And walks out. They then pull out a computer and Skype with Sarah. Rachel says she will translate the book if Sarah gets her out of Dyad. She wants Sarah to take Krystal's identity so she can leave the country and go to Taiwain. She's translated a page of the book Scott has given her. It is a nursery rhyme. "In London Town we all fell down and Casto woke from slumber" they all argue about what to do. Sarah and Felix are off. 

Cosima is showing Shae their lab. Delphine walks in. She tells Cosima she has the results back from the European samples. Shae leaves with Scott and Delphine tells Cosima it's not good news

Over at Bubbles, Donnie is showing Helena how to make soap. Helena tells Donnie Allison has good taste in men, you have meat on your bones, strong like baby ox. He looks at Helena and stirs the pot and says maybe they need two baby ox. She cracks up and he goes to talk to Allison. He confronts her about Jason kissing her. Gracie walks in. She's working at bubbles.  Helena hides the babies under the sink in bubbles. Gracie walks in. Gracie tells her she is sorry she lost the baby. Helena tells her it is not her fault. You will be auntie to my baby yes? Gracie said she would like that and Helena hugs her and kisses her on the cheek. 

Sarah and Felix are on a mission to steal Krystal's identity. Felix goes in, acts straight and does an American accent. He flirts with her and goes gets his nails did. 

Scott goes home and puts his stuff down. He turn and Rudy is there sitting in  his chair. I actually said out loud oh F*ck Rudy asks Scott if he knows who he is. Scott says, you're castor. He asks for a special book, the island of doctor Moreau 

Felix is working his magic on Krystal. He starts feeling sorry for her, but Sarah talks him out of telling her anything. He goes in the staff room and goes through her purse. She has a notepad in there about castor; she's investigating. He takes her wallet, gives her advice and leaves. He tells Sarah he feels bloody alwful. They leave befor they make it worse. 

Delphine and Cosima are going over the research. Delphine tells Cosima in another month she'll need another stem cell treatment from Kira. Cosima doesn't want to keep harvesting her. Delphine grabs her hand- Cosima is not immune. Delphine's phone rings and its Scott. She looks at Cosima and says, what book?

Back at bubbles Jason is talking to Allison. She wants to talk about the campaign mixer and the kiss. And boom. He kisses her again, and she kisses him back! She tells him no, that she is married. She asks him to leave. He said that he know she felt something. And the reality is they are all in bed together. Ally, did you get yourself into a pickle? 

Back at Scott's Delphine is asking Scott about the book she wants to know who else knows about it because castor knew exactly what they were looking for. Scott tells her Rachel knows. 

Donnie is counting pills and Allison comes home. She tells him that her and Jason are in the same page. She goes upstairs to get some sheets for Gracie and Helena and Donnie checks her phone. 

Back at the salon Krystal is getting her wallet. She is the last to leave. She looks up and Dr Neal? Is there. 

Back at S's they talk about Scott's run in with Rudy. There's a know on the door, and it's one of Scott's game buddies. He hands Felix a package, it is a copy of the book. Cosima said if they can decode it it will hold the key. 

Delphine is questioning Rachel she thinks she tipped castor off. She tells Rachel that she should have let her die. Delphine's phone rings and it is Cosima. She goes to leave and Rachel asks if she can play the game with Scott. Delphine tells him 1 hour. He is helping her escape. He texts Cosima that they are on the move. She meets Delphine up stairs and hands her a paper. Delphine reads it, your resigning? Cosima tells her yeah effective immediately. 

Jason goes to bubbles and calls out for Allison the light turns on and it's Donnie. He tells him that Allison texted him to meet her there. Donnie says, that was me. Jason says he gets it and Donnie says no you don't because you thought my wife would meet you in the stock room. Donnie punches him, Jason asks if it's a slap and throughly slaps him and calls him a bitch. Donnie says he may be a bitch but he is Allison's bitch and you're just a drop out. Jason knocks him out and leaves him in the stockroom. 

Delphine is trying to talk Cosima out of quitting. Delphine brings up shay. Cosima tells Delphine if she's not going to switch sides the let her go. 

Rachel makes it to mrs s. Sarah tells Rachel that Krystal was a nice girl and she better make it worth it. She better translate it cover to cover. Rachel looks at the pencil and gets to work. 

Cosima tells Delphine about her near death experience. She tells Delphine that she came back for her. Delphine kisses her. Delphine pushes her away and says she's sorry you should have trusted me. 

Rachel is translating. The orginal has the number. She's writing it when dr Neal? Bust in with guns. He takes the book and tells her that Delphine knew she had a copy. Rachel says my book, my father and falls out the chair in a seizure. The doc says to call a medical team. They take Rachel back to Dyad. Neal? Hands Delphine the book, she tells Neal that she thought she could handle being moved. She said the book is no good without her she's the only one who can read it. Neal said "I'm sorry I have to take her into surgery" he walks in the same room Rachel is in. She's lying on a gurney in coincides. When the door close, she opens her eye and he looks at her and smirks. Oooooo they're in it together. Rachel has outsmarted them all. Boom!

Scott and Cosima are on the couch in Delphine's office. Cosima says they should have made 2 copies. Delphine was on to them the whole time. Neal tells Delphine that the stress was too much for Rachel and she may never recover. She tells him to get back to his patient. He looks over at Scott and Cosima and leaves. Cosima tells Delphine the reason they could not tell her was because they couldn't risk topside getting it. Delphine tells Cosima that the reason castor has it is because someone close to them tipped them off; that it would have been safer with her. Cosima asks about the copy and Delphine tells her it is safe and completely useless. She tells her that her resignation is accepted and so is Scott's. She hands Cosima a file on shay. 

Back at s's house they are pondering over the castor translation part that Rachel did. A says that London is their only lead. They need to get to the Castor orginal first. Bloody hell, are we going home?- Felix. 

A Mobile rings in Rachel's room. Dr Nealand answers (look what you learn when you turn on the closed captions) its Rachel on the other line. It's Krystal on the table! Rachel is getting a perfectly matched prosthetic eye. Another lady gets on the phone (you can only see her silhouette) and says, thank you Alan" he tells her, she's in Your hands now ma'am. 

So who was the mystery woman? Is it helenas mom who's not dead either? Is it the boss lady from topside? And next week- what did Helena do?!?!?

Orphan Black. S3 ep7 recap

We open in a bar in Mexico. Helena is winning at gambling. Helena tells Sarah that Paul was a good man I. The end, but Sarah doesn't want to talk about it. They are waiting for Benjamin, who is never late. Sarah tells Helena that S's people are the one bringing papers so she should be thankful. Helena says she will kill S for betraying her. The waitress hands Sarah a beer and Helena a water. She tells Helena, you're pregnant. Helena looks at Sarah, "you tell her I have baby?" The door opens and S walks in.

S tells Helena that she had to give her up in order to get Sarah and Kira out of Dyad. S says they need to talk it out; it is the only way. Helena tells her that talking it out for her is (hilarious gesture of knife across throat) the waitress gives Helena food, but takes the knife and fork away, leaving her with a spoon. Helena says first I eat then we fight.  The waitress tells Sarah that it's best to leave them alone to work it out. She gives her a towel and tells her to use her shower. 

Allison is working on her speech for the election. They monitor her vitals and head on to bubbles. Her mom looks over the paperwork and Allison and Donnie head to the muxer. On the way out Allison notices her mom has a Vote For Marci poster up. They leave. 

Cosima and her new girlfriend are in bed. They are at her gf's place.  There is a knock on the door and its Delphine. This isn't crazy at all! Cosima asks what she is doing here and asks if she is stalking her. Meanwhile Shae goes in the bathroom and turns the shower on, and stands at the door to listen.  Delphine tells Cosima that she's been checking the samples of the proteins. Her numbers are worrying. Delphine wants another urine sample and hands her a cup. Cosima tells her not to come here again. Cosima then calls Scott and asks him to cover for her. He tells her that they need the urinalysis. She tells him not to show Delphine the book. 

Allison and Donnie are meeting Jason. He asks if she got the store and she said not yet. Donnie struts his stuff and kisses Allison in front of Jason. I like this jealous assertive Donnie! Hilarious! Allison goes in to the candidate mixer. She meets Felix who has a pink booth set up for her. She gets a text from Cosima and says that Cosima needs her pee. She texts her back and tells her she can come and get it. Marci comes by the booth and tells her that her booth looks like she is selling bubble gum. Felix introduced himself, and Marci could barely stand to shake his hand. Said that Felix was an interesting choice considering how conservative they are. Allison asks if that was an intolerant remark. Marci says your mother is very conservative, and she is supporting me. Marci smiles and walks away.  Felix looks at Allison and says, "we are going to dismayed that bitch " Allison's phone rings and its her mother. She says her heart is exploding. Allison says she will be right there. Donnie is with Jason and he is telling him about the supplier. At one point Jason says he should have brought Allison. Donnie tells him that he has made his presence clear. Jason asks if there is a problem and Donnie says not unless you come between me and my family. Jason says, consider your territory pissed on. The do some man hand clasp thing and go inside. I'd like to point out that both Allison and Donnie have identical mania folders with paper clips on them. Until now I didn't mention it because I didn't catch it. My money is that Allison and Donnie have switched by mistake.  Donnie meets the dude and he doesn't speak to him. In walks this sexy lady. They speak Italian? Idk and Donnie hands her the envelope and she puts drugs on the table. Oh yep. The envelope had school buttons. The boss man won't let Donnie leave so he gives Jason the envelope to switch out will Allison. 

Back at the Mexican bar, S tells Helena that she is so sorry. Helena says now we fight. S tells her she's not going to fight her because she is pregnant. Helena asks why is everyone so concerned about her baby. S asks her how is she going to raise the baby, and Helena says she will find her boyfriend Jesse remember that dude from the bar? Ha! And together they will raise it. S says that he sounds like an honest man. Helena gets up and tells her to go outside. S says no. Helena hits S and tells her to hit her. S tells her she can't have Sarah without the rest of her family. Helena hits her again. S tells her, join us helena, you're kin. Helena hits her again and S hits her back. S says "shit Helena I hit you" and grabs her. Helena struggles and S holds her close and says please forgive me for what I did, I'm so sorry. Helena stops struggling. S tells her it's ok, you're with family now. 

Allison's mom is leaning on a wall. Allison walks in. She says it was terrifying she was dizzy and light headed. Allison gets her some water and tells her mom she has to go back. Her mom tells her she can't sell her the store. Felix is holding down the fort at the mixer and trying to stall the photo op. He texts Allison. Allison's mom is telling her she can't sell the store. She calls Donnie Mr. Chubbs. "That's his name isn't it, Donald Francis Chubbs. I lost all respect for that man when he took your name. ". Allison tells her that he did because her mom insisted. Allison tells her mom not to make this about Donnie that no one is ever good enough. She leaves and tears down Marcis poster. "I'm recycling this!"  Cosima shows up at the mixer at the back door. Oh no! She's mistaken for Allison. Luckily Felix intercepts. She says she needs her pee because she doesn't trust Delphine. Felix is telling her to put on an Allison shirt and hide her dreds. She says she's not posing as Allison. Felix says if she wants the piss she better play along. He makes her bangs. Hahahahah

Scott's playing D&D with tot her lab nerds. Delphine walks in and says she needs the lab. It is Rachel's turn for processing. Rachel says "hello Scott" he shows her the Dr Moreau book. She looks at Scott. She points to the board game and says "teach. I'm so bored" Delphine asks if he wants to, and he says yeah. Rachel looks at him. 

Cosima/Allison is posing for pictures. They're all gonna be squinty because girlfriend can't see shit. Allison walks in and tried to hide, then Jason catches up with her and says Donnie switched the envelopes. The money is on a counter with someone else. She asks if Donnie is in danger. Jason says, "short answer, yeah". She says that she's going to switch the envelopes and for him to wait outside. She texts Felix that she needs him 911 downstairs. Then Allison's mother walks in. Allison's mom tells her she needs to tell her something very inportant and it cannot wait. She tells her that her father wasn't good enough so she asked the fertility clinic for an upgrade. Now Allison knows she's a clone right? So did she think her parents were her parents??? Allison tells her mom she needs to wait there and she walks off. She tells Jason to entertain her mom. Felix tells Cosima to hide in the loo. 

Scott is teaching Rachel to play the game.  She tells him not seriously. He tells her oh yes. This is how we do it. If anyone comes in we're farm building. I thought it was D&D. Apparently it is much dorkier than that; it's like FarmVille tabletop! 

Felix finds Allison's and tells her Cosima is in the loo. She tells Felix that they acvidently have Sarah Stubbs an envelope with 30,000$ in it. He asks what is going on. He says he quits. She says that they're drug dealers and that Donnie is being held captive by some guy named Pouchy. Felix says, like Pouchy the crime lord that cut off Vicks finger? Allison says, maybe? Felix says, there are not two Poucys, darling. I love his sass!

Meanwhile back at Pouchy's Chinese Restraunt aka drug front totally aside, there was a Chinese Restraunt drug front in this area. I guess it's a real thing. Donnie is talking and not shutting up. They put him next to a paper cutter. She tells him she's going herself, and if they don't get the money in 30 min he's losing his nose. 

Felix is distracting Sarah Stubbs. Allison switched the envelope. Marci comes up and asks if she was slipping some in. Allison says no, then Marci asks how she is at speeches. She hears that Allison choked at her valedictorian speech, and she walks off. Allison says I had the flu. 

Jason is walking with her mom, and he asks her about Bubbles. She said the offer wasn't up to snuff with Mr. Chubbs on the line. Jason asks her about Donnie, and charms her. Donnie calls Allison and tells her to get to the parking lot, and meet the niece. Oh no it's time to start the speeches. Allison goes to the parking lot and hands her the money. She tells her to get in the car now. Allison gets in. 

Felix sees Marci giving the speech add gets Cosima. In the car the niece is counting the money. Allison says she doesn't have time for her to count all the way to 30,  the girl looks at her and starts over. 

Cosima/Allison walks in. She gets up to make a speech. 

Donnie is let go. He talks them and asks to use the bathroom. 

Cosima/Allison is making the most hilarious speech about kids not coloring in the lines and being a lesbian.... Supporter. Cosima coughs and excuses herself to get water and Allison takes her place. Cosima goes to the bathroom and Jason mistakes her for Allison and kisses her. 

Sarah sees S all beat up she says that she's going to be a granny to her baby. Sarah tells her Paul is gone. She says that she has dreams about Beth. S tells her Gracie is living with her. 

Allison gives a great speech and gets a standing ovation. Back in the bathroom Cosima tells Allison Jason kissed her. Allison won't pee. She wants to know more about the protein. Her mom walks in and tells her she made a great speech. She gives her bubbles and then gives her a pep talk about leaving Donnie. Allison then introduces her to Cosima and tell her mom that Cosima is her clone. She tells her that she was implanted with a clone. Her mom is truly deluded and says that Cosima is clearly mullato and must be her half sister. Allison walks out. 

Shea and Cosima are talking and Cosima is in the bath. and she tells her that she has a serious health issue. She starts bleeding suddenly in the tub. 

Rachel and Scott are decoding the the book. Scott asks her what it says, Rachel says she will only tell Sarah. 

That's it for this week! The clones are all together again! I hope Cosima gets better and allows herself to get help. A blonde clone next week, whose the newbie!!!! 

Orphan Black S3 Ep 6 RECAP

Why hasn't she received an Emmy yet? GIVE THEM TO HER!  GIVE HER ALL THE THINGS!

Sarah is sleeping. Her cell door opens; she hesitates, but leaves. She's outside and the place is deserted. Hearing laughter she follows, it's Kira. Kira goes into a pillow fort, and in it, she sees herself on the table, receiving a blood transfusion from Creepy Scar clone, Rudy. He looks at her, while he licks the Sarah on the table's hand. EWWWWW Sarah wake up from the nightmare and pukes. That too is my reaction to that bit of nasty. She lays back down and feels a bandage. Dream not really a dream but a subconscious memory?

Paul is meeting with a G-man.  He hands him the rape diary. Paul says its unauthorized research on American Civilians.  The G-man instructs him to find more evidence on Dr. Virginia, to find out what she is up to.

Kira is Skyping with Ms. S and Felix. She asks if her mommy is mad at her, and they tell her no, of course not. They sign off. Ms. S tells Felix that they will find Sarah. She says that they have tracked down Castor's HQ. It's in Mexico-maybe. Sarah has been missing for 5 days. Gracie brings them tea. S tells her that she doesn't need to serve them. Gracie says that it gives her something to do. S says that Cosima is working on Gracie's illness, and that they need to keep living,

Cosima is in bed obviously naked. She is awakened by her phone ringing and oh la la, is that her sapphire date in matching bra and panties? To say the date went well, is an understatement.  Get it Girl! She made her a juice with licorice root to help her with that cough she has. oh is she not as well as she seems? Date girl asks her about Sarah.  Cosima asks her how does she know that name, and date responds, you were dreaming and you said it. IDK is date girl a plant? Trust no one C! You may have to just smash and go. She says Sarah is a friend, like her sister.

OMG  Allison and Donnie are dancing in their skivvies and are making it rain in their bedroom and tweerking. bwa ha ha ha. Please gif this. PLEASE.  I NEED THIS. They are interrupted by the girl child. Donnie sends her on the way, and Allison mentions she has to meet Jason today. He says he wants to be in on it, and she tells him they were high school sweet hearts and nothing else. She asks if he is jealous, and of course he is.  She asks him if his underwear are breakaways, and he says, no, but the elastic is wearing out. OMG this is fabulous. She gives him a kiss and turns away with eyes full of promise for later.

Scott is waiting for Cosima, he is mad. He says he tried to call her all morning. She opens the door, and he tells her to wait. Too late, the door opens, and Delphine is there. She says she came as soon as she heard Sarah was missing.  C says, 5 days too late.  D says, well that's on you, were you going to tell us she was missing? C asks, who's us?  D says Topside. She wants to know how they got their hands on a Castor brain.  Scott asks, how do you know that. D says, because you ran the tissue through this lab and Dr. Neeland is not an idiot.  D asks why is she studying the fish girl, Gracie. Cosima doesn't answer.  Delphine asks, how she missed this, and shows them the screen.  The same protein in the Castor brain is in Gracie.  They studied them separately, had not reason to compare.

Back at Castor HQ.  Paul walks in and sees Sarah missing.  She's in the infirmary sick sick.   Paul asks if she is hurt.  She tells him, they did something to her.  She begs him to get her out of here.  Dr. Virginia walks in.  Paul tells her that she is unwell. Dr. V says that she gave her an anti inflammatory last night and is having a reaction. Sarah calls bull shit and says that she did something to her and Rudy was there. Dr. V says Sarah is feverish. She then asks Paul how was Arlington.  He tells her riveting. She smiles. Sarah asks about Helena. Dr. V says she won't last out there, if the desert doesn't get her, Rudy will. I am beginning to hate this old Dr V.  

Desert an Helena. She's running.  A Jeep with Rudy in it is looking for her.  She falls down.  Here comes Pupok. Read that means bellybutton in Ukraine.  How cute! She tells her to get up.  She says it is not exhaustion but regret. She says she is not tired, but hungry and eats Pupok.  WOW. Just WOW

Castor base.  Paul sits by Dr. Silver. Paul asks him what happened to Sarah last night. Dr. says he needs to ask Dr. Coady (Dr. Virginia). Paul says since when does she leave him out of the medicine, and Dr. S says, she's the boss. He tells Paul that he was gone for months and things changed.  Paul asks how, that they were trying to cure soldiers. Rudy came back with a girl, blood shot eyes.  Dr. Coady treated her on base, but after that, the science took a turn. Things got more secretive. The boys were told to keep a record and samples, to look for precursors. He sets up a baseline, but another team follows up, he doesn't have the access.  He tells Paul she keeps that information in her quarters.

Delphine and Cosima are waiting for the elevator.  Delphine says, I understand you have been missing work, coming in late. Are you not feeling well? Cosima says she feels great and there is nothing she should know.  The elevator opens and Felix sashays out.  Gracie is there.  Cosima takes her to the lab and wants to run more tests.  Felix stops Scott from following and tells the ladies he is going to give them some privacy.  He asks Scott to take him to see Rachel.  Scott says he is not authorized, that is is not even supposed to know that she is here. Felix says, but you do.  My sister is missing. Rachel would know anything about Castor. He says he is really really desperate.  "Nut up, and lead me to the cyclops." BWA HA HA HA  I love your sass!

Marc is walking and Paul stops to talk to him. Paul tells him good work on bringing in the Castor DNA.  Marc says he had help. Paul says, you brought Sarah Manning in. Marc tells him he was with Rudy. It was either take her with them or terminate. Marc says he fell in love with the  Johansson girl.  Paul asks him to do something for him, unofficially. I think Marc, out of all the Castors, has a heart. 

Allison has given Jason a card.  She has paid him back in full.  He says it's the "Continued Prosperity" part that has him concerned. He tells her she can walk away. She says she wants to take this to the next level.  All of a sudden a Subaru pulls up. Jason gets a bat, ready to fight.  It's Donnie. He is an idiot sometimes. She asks who's car is this? He says, ours, I paid cash.  Allison closes her eyes in exasperation. Jason tells them he doesn't think they are ready for the next level. Donnie asks why, and Allison tells him that conspicuous spending is a surefire way to attract the attention of the authorities. Donnie says Cars aren't conspicuous, they are everywhere.  Jason says there is only one surefire way to launder money, and that is to pay taxes on it.  He says that they need a front, and that her garage made soap isn't gonna cut it.  Allison says she has a plan.

Paul is looking at the solders at the Castor base. Marc walks up. Hands him keys and tells him that they have 5 minutes.  He opens a door and goes in.

Gracie is asking about the protein. It is in her blood.  Cosima says that it is similar to what they found in Marc's brothers.  Gracie says, she knows what Marc is.  Cosima says that then you know what is in Marc's brothers is in Marc too.  We think that's how it got transferred to you. CASTOR STD WRAP YOUR WILLIES!

Paul is looking through files.  He's reading things such as rapid deterioration, ovaries atrophied,  Marc walks in. He looks through the files, and he says what does this mean?  Tell me.  There is a file on Gracie.

Cosima tells Gracie that the protein can affect different people in different ways. She calls Delphine.

Paul tells Marc that the defect is contagious and it is sexually transmitted. So the woman will catch it.  Paul loads his gun.

Sarah is sick. Her fever is 103. Dr. Silver is attending her with Dr. Coady. Paul walks in and says she is placing her under arrest.  She asks on what grounds.  He says you are sterilizing women.  He says that she is unfit to lead, he is taking charge.  Castor goon is sliding his hand down, ready to draw his gun.  Paul turns his gun toward him; has him put in the stockade.  Dr. Coady puts her finger to her lips and tells Castor Goon to shhh. Sarah is hallucinating a little girl. Dr. Coady tells him that Sarah received 2 units of Rudy's blood. The little girl tells Sarah to come with her.  She says she cant' get up,. The little girl says just hold her hand. Dr. Silver receives a gun from Paul. He tells him not to let anyone near her. . The little girl leads her to a tunnel.  (Its a younger sister clone). The little girl tales her to a cave with a hole. She sees movies of Beth.  Then she sees Beth making tea. She says she is thinking of the day Paul moved in. Says he only had 2 suitcases to his name, should have been a red flag.  She said that she was so gaga for him,convinced herself he was some kind of Zen master. Materially unattached. She said that Sarah and Paul were a good match, liars, drifters. Beth takes pills. Sarah tells her she didn't know her when she took her life, but she misses her.  Beth tells her she doesn't get to miss her.  Sarah tells her that she's trying to finish what she started. She's trying to help the sisters, but she keeps failing. Helena has left her, Cosima is still sick, and I let you jump. Beth said I jumped. I let myself be consumed by this thing.  I killed myself because I couldn't understand it.  Sarah says, Neither do I.  I started too, but I don't understand the why.  Beth asks why did you take over my life? Sarah says, for Kira.  Beth tells her to stop asking why, and to start asking who.. sister.  Beth disappears. and Sarah wakes up. She asks Dr. Silver, "Where's Paul"

Paul is on the phone, he is holding the baby Johanssen castor DNA sample. He is on the phone with the G-man. Says he has records going back 2 years some sort of human trial. G-man says bag it. He asks where Dr. Coady is.  Paul says camp is on lock down the only ones out are the ones he trusts. G-man is sending an extraction team. Tells him to keep them contained for 6 hours, and to leave Rudy out in the desert.

Rachel is painting. Scott comes in with Felix. He asks what she knows about Castor. She says, rumors.  He says that they have taken Sarah. She smiles.  He asks if it is funny to her. He then paints an eye on her patch and tells her, now you look pretty.  She says she's not going to help him if he humiliates her. He says he hasn't even gotten started. She tells Scott to get Dr. Neeland.  Felix tells her no one is coming because no one cares.  He grabs her and yells, tell me where my sister is! she says, get me out of this place. He leaves,  and she cries.  This was truly heartbreaking.  You can see the desperation in both of them. Scott looks at one of her paintings- it has strange symbols on it.

Allison and Donnie are looking at a shop, Bubbles. Donnie asks if she is sure about this, that she hates Bubbles.  She says that she hates the way her mother runs it, but when its theirs they can do it differently. He says, as a drug front. She says yes,.  Jason drives up and the go into the store. Apparently, its a bath soap store. And now we know how Allison got her soap making mad skillz.
Selling soap, Jason deems it perfect.

Meanwhile back at the lab, Gracie says, I was supposed to have children, it was expected of me.  Cosima says that she has been through a lot, she doesn't have to process it all now. Gracie says that part of her is relieved, does that make her a monster?  Cosima, says, no honey, so far from that. Felix goes to take her home.  Delphine tells Cosima that she misses her.  Cosima leaves.

Rudy is in the jeep. He is on the phone. When?  Says he is on it.  Tells the driver that there is a situation on base and he is needed.

Delphine is watching a video of Cosima on her date. Stalker much? She's looking at photos of the date and Cosima and drinking. Man, this is taking FB stalking to the next level. Also, you dumped her, Delphine, you don't get to feel bad. 

Date is washing the dishes, and Cosima knocks on the door. Cosima tells her that maybe they should slow things down. But now that she sees her, she just wants to make out. Her phone rings. It's Scott. He said that he thinks Rachel knows the code for Duncan's book.

Sarah is up. She says, human sterilization trials. Paul says that she hasn't shown any of the same symptoms as the other women.  Sarah asks him if he loved Beth.  He says, What happened to Beth, he will carry that with him forever. They were looking for a cure, and they thought Dyad had answers.  She says she wants to talk to Coady.  Paul brings her to Dr. Coady, she is looking at a picture of 4 little boys.  Sarah asks why did she give her Rudy's blood? Coady looks at her and says, Temperatures down, no hemorrhaging, remarkable.  Sarah says, you knew I beat it, how?  She says because Castor and Leda have the same disorder. It attacks the boys brains, and the women's epithelial tissue. As her fertility proves, she is somehow able to fight it off.  Sarah tells her she is infecting innocent women with it. "To understand it!", Dr. Coady says, she didn't put it in the boys, she just found it. Sarah says, so it was engineered.  Who engineered it, was it Duncan? Paul says, it's a weapon. You're field testing it. Dr. Coady says, it could end war. In a single generation, without spilling a drop of blood.  Sarah says, so who wants it? Who is it for?

Rudys' co-rider brings the Jeep in. The guard asks where Rudy is.  He says that he took off on foot, that he lost contact. It's a trap! He asks what's going on. The guard tells him that the camp is on lock down, and he is confined to quarters. They are taking him away, and Rudy is lowering himself from the bottom of the Jeep. He goes in and cut's a gaurds throat. and lets out another Castor. Sarah and Paul are leaving the Dr.'s quarters.  She tells him that they need to go, he tells her that help is coming. She asks if he is still trying to save them. He tells her that none of this is their fault.  "Major" is whispered from the background. It's Marc, hiding in the shadows.  He tells him that patrol came back without Rudy. He checked the Sat phone, and they got a call from Arlington. Paul grabs his phone and calls the G-man. He asks what the status was, and Paul says that depends on you. G-man says that the extraction team is on route. Paul tells him that Rudy's patrol is still out, and they can't reach their sat phone. G-man hesitates and says, well, good, that's what we want. He asks if there is a problem. Paul says, no sir, we'll be waiting.  He hangs up and tells Sarah, that they have to go. He tells Marc, Go back to your quarters, you never spoke to me, do you understand.  Marc tells him, sir, make this right. Paul and Sarah walk off.  They see a Castor.  Paul dispatches him, but he has been stabbed. Sarah helps him up.  She helps him walk. They come through a little tunnel.  He opens the door and tells her to go through.  He closes it behind her and locks it.   Tells her that the tunnel leads to the garage, and to take a jeep, go northwest.  She tells him that she's not leaving with out him, but he walks off. He turns around and tells her, it was never Beth I loved. He then leaves.  She sits and thinks about the movies of him and Beth.  Dr. Coady and Rudy are walking.  They go to the infirmry, and Paul is there, bleeding. Rudy cocks a gun and points.  Paul asks the Dr. "Does he know what he's done to those women?" Rudy says, "I know exactly what I do, Sir." Dr. tells him Rudy, and he looks at her an puts the gun down. She says my devotion to my boys was pure, Paul. He tells her to cure them and drop the rest.  Sarah is still sitting by where Paul left her. She moves. Dr. Coady tells Paul that the science in this room can rewrite the very nature of mankind. Paul cries. Dr. Coady continues, you ask me to turn my back on it?  She shoots Paul. Flashbacks of beth. Sarah is walking through the tunnel.  Dr. Coady tells Paul, "I'm sorry, Paul, I can't" He, somehow still alive, looks at her and drops his towel. In it is a grenade.  Rudy and the Dr. run. Sarah is still in the tunnel. She hears an explaion and is knocked down. She sees Kira, and Beth, and then... there's Helena. Sarah says, You came back. Helena says, come Sister, people miss us.  She helps her up.

Rachel is painting and looking at a picture of her dad, she is crying.


I was crying at the end of the episode. Rachel's pain is so palpable. So, apparently Paul is dead, having sacrificed himself for Sarah. The government is in on this Castor bio weapon to sterilize women. So what? a bio-engineered STD? How is that going to work? My GOD please practice safe sex! Shit just got weird.  Good episode! Very emotional. Glad the twins are back. 

Orphan Black S3 Ep 5

It opens with Helena on the floor. She sees her scorpion friend, Purpok? Purpok says that she killed the lab rat instead of escaping  Helena shoos her away by flicking dust at her, and finds a nail. She begins to self-mutilate. Purpok leaves Helena and goes next door, where we see Sarah lying on a bed, asleep.

Doctors are opening up the coffin.  They say that he is missing the synthetic genome, but by isolating it, they can find the defect, and find a gene therapy.  They say the Major (Paul) is returning and will not be too pleased about their new guest.  The Doc will debrief Mark and tells Rudy to go take some time.

Sarah wakes up. She is not thrilled about being in a cell and starts screaming. She hears a voice and realizes it's Helena next cell over.  Helena is mad, and says you put me here, made deal with the mother.  Sarah tries to explain, but Purpok tells Helena to give her nothing, and ignores her.

Art is trying to reach Sarah, he is leaving her a message. There is a knock on the door, and it is Gracie. She says Sarah told her to come if she was ever in trouble.

Felix is at Mrs. S's. They're concerned about Sarah. Cosima calls she is on a Sapphire date. It's cute! Aside: Is her date Shae, Pheobe's rival from Friends? The one who stole Smelly Cat? She looks familiar.  End Aside. 

Gracie is giving Art her history. She says she doesn't want to talk about Mark. She tells him she lost the baby and that's why they cast her out.  He tells her he knows someone who can help.

Back to the Dating Duo.  Watching Cosima is so cute!

Sarah continues to speak with Helena; tries to explain it was Mrs. S that traded Sarah and Kira to get them out of Dyad,  Purpok tells Helena not to listen. Sarah is frustrated The Castors bring food. The frisk Sarah and handcuff her.  As they are taking her out of the cell she tells Helena they are her brothers, . Sarah is taken outside, Helena starts to work on the cell door bars. She has a hidden spot in the wall she is removing a brick.  Sarah meets the Dr. Lady. They take her blood forcefully. Sarah calls her a psycho bitch and the Dr. tells her, "I'm not someone you can fight, Sarah"

Art bring Gracie to Mrs. S's house. Felix makes her feel at home, and Mrs. S stays back to talk to Art. They are both worried about Sarah since they haven't heard from her.  Art is on the case and if there is trail he will find it..

Sarah is back in her cell.  Helena talks to her says the doctor wants to make medicine for the boys. Tells her she does not beleive they are thier brothers.  Sarah says she doesn't care. Helena tells Sarah that to a rat a small hole is a door.  Sarah asks if she has figured a way out, and Helena tells her to eat her food.

Cosima and Shae on the date.  Nope, not a Friend's flash back, and I still have Smelly Cat stuck in my head Apparently Shae is a Holistic Healer.  OOOO someone is taking their picture!!  Shae says she can see inside her soul.  Side eye on that. Cosima asks if she wants to go some where.  Get it COSIMA! 

Mark is in the infirmary. Dr. Virginia is tending to him.  She says she cleaned and re-sutured. His wounds. She asks about the burn on his arms, and he lies and said he did it to prove his loyalty to the pastor. She asks about his wedding band, and he said he did what he had to in order to complete the mission  She asks if it was consummated and he said yeah.  She tells him to remember it wasn't real, she's not one of us, and takes his wedding band.

Gracie is in Kira's room with Felix. She tells him she understands that he doesn't want her here.  He retorts, you know I sleep with men.  She tells him she's not stupid.  He tells her as a polethian she disapproves. She tells him shes not one anymore. Tells him she had questions, but she just let her parents make the decisions. Says she's 18 and never smoked anything, been to a rock concert, or been skinny dipping. Felix says, good, we'll start with that, shower is down the hall.

Meanwhile, back at the Castor Castaway, Here come Major Hottie Paul. He sees Sarah. He tells her "All you had to do was stay away." Sarah's mad. He tells her he was trying to keep her from all this. Helena makes kissy noises from her cell.  Sarah tells her, hey this is the guy who sold you out.  Helena asks if this is true, he says it was either her or you. He says all he is doing is trying to protect these men like she does her sisters.  Sarah says why, so they can abduct and assault women? That's a hell of a cause. He asks if Helena is innocent and asks how many people has she killed. Sarah begs to let the, go. He leaves her cell, and talks through the bars.  He says it is out of his hands. The military is another family and their genetic siblings are dying.  Every thing they do is for them. Helena asks about Parsons, the medical Castor experiment he killed. He said she destroyed months of data. She says he begged her to kill him and he's next.  Sarah echos the statement.

Gracie is looking at pictures of Felix and Sarah. Mrs's tells her there is food. Gracie remarks that they look so happy and that she was always taught that they were abominations. Mrs's points out that her father took Helena in. Gracie says that it was because she was fertile. Mrs's says that they are still people.  She says she can't imagine how she must feel about losing the baby. Gracie says her father put that baby inside her, and her mother let him. She asks why Mrs's was so nice to her.  She says that she eloped, married young. her husband was killed. She was alone, adrift. Her Aunt took her in and stopped her from self destructing. (Felix listens from the hall)

Dr. Virgina is looking at the computer. Paul comes in. They talk about Sarah and Helena. She promises no harm will come to Sarah. She says they are doing what they have too.

Cosima is getting a massage from Shae at Felix apartment. She asks if she wants to talk about the break up. She talks a bit, and they kiss.

Sarah tries to talk to Helena. She talks to her about Kira. She says that she felt trapped because she was young and would leave Kira there for days at a time. Then one day Mrs. S would not let her see her. She explains that she was high and it was the right thing for Mrs. S to do. Tells her she missed time with her kid because she was being selfish. (Helena is working on her foot cuff in the meantime)  Helena will drop the grudge, but Sarah has to help her.

Felix talks to Mrs S.  Asks her about John. She tells him that there was a drunken fight and he ended up with a pair of garden shears in his throat.  Gracie comes down in a scandalous outfit.  Says she wants to go out. He says they need a plan and a cocktail.

Sarah asks Helena what is happening. Someone is coming. They ask for her meal tray. She tells them to come and get it. When they do, she fights them, she is knocked out, and Helena watches.  Sarah is in the infirmary, Dr Silver is tending to her. Tells her she needs to show the brothers some respect, and says cooperation is her friend. While his back is turned she takes some medical instruments that are on the table.

Back at S's, Felix fixes Gracie a drink. S puts o some tunes and teaches Gracie to dance, Felix helps. It's adorable.

Sarah is back in her cell. Castor asshole tells her that "It's a good look for her" She looks beat to hell.
What an ass. I hope Helena kills him first. Jerk.  She has tweezers. She is trying to swing them from her cell to Helena's on her pant's drawstring. Ooo tricky trying to time it when the camera isn't looking. Helena catches them, and goes to work on her cuff.

Felix and S are getting Gracie drunk and dancing. She falls to the floor and says something hurts. S tells Felix to call 911.

Helena removes the brick from the hidey hole and it is many many packets of butter. She rubs it all over her. Sarah swathe the camera while Helena tries to break the bars. She gets one and tries to slide out  She makes it, and turns off the camera.  Camera watcher notices and goes to investigate Sarah calls out to him and Helena hides behind the door. Helena rushes him and kills him.  She leaves Sarah.   Nooooo you can't leave your twin! Of course she did shoot you. 

Paul looking at the corpse of the Castor Helena killed.

The EMTs are with Gracie. S tells her she miscarried not too long ago.

At the base, Helena finds a canteen in a car. Paul is looking at a book that Seth had with the girls name and the hair bits. Freaking assaulting weirdo. 

Art is running recon with a girl? Says she has to make it quick she has to put her daughter to bed. I don't recognize her?  

Helena is climbing. She is trying to make it over the wall.  She's at the top. Paul is still flipping through the rape book.

Art asks the girl about the sunglasses she is wearing. She says she is sick, and she thinks those assholes gave it to her. Her eyes are blood shot and red. Is she the girls that Seth and Rudy assaulted? 

The EMT asks Gracie to open her eyes, they are blood shot!.

Helena is on top of the wall- she hesitates.  Pukpok tells her to go, that her sister is dead and to think of the baby. Castor comes out and screams for her. The alarm sounds. Pukpok tells her to run. Helena goes over the wall. Sarah is in her cell and looks aside.


That's it for this week! Gah it always ends too soon! Give her all the Emmys!  Also, no Allison and Donnie shenanigans this week? oh well looks like they'll be back next week. It also looks like Sarah is sick.  What kind of crazy Castor STD's do they have? Bloody eyes? That is a something that penicillin can't kill.  Use protection, people!