AHS: Hotel - Checking In (ep. 1) Recap! (Spoilers)

Ahhhhh, American Horror Story. I have a love/hate relationship with you. Sometimes, the stories are brilliant and scary. Sometimes they're kind of hard on the brain - I'm looking at you, Asylum  I loved aspects of Asylum! The aliens I could have done without...

Sometimes, they're kind of slow. Slow isn't a problem if it's done well, problem with the whole AHS franchise is they never get pacing quite right for the story they are telling.

Last night began the start of Hotel, the latest installment in the anthology series. This centers on the Hotel Cortez, located in California and the inhabitants/patrons of the hotel. Which is loosely based on the Hotel Cecil where that girl went missing and was later found dead on the roof.

We open the season with two beautiful Scandinavian tourists. They are exiting a cab and are excited to see Universal Studios. They ask the cab driver how far it is, and he tells them 10 miles. Oh that can't be right- the website said that it was close to all attractions. I laughed at this, because all hotels in and around LA will say close to attractions. Their fault for not checking google maps. They walk in to the hotel and it's silent. and empty! They ring the bell - twice, and the attendant, Iris (Kathy Bates!) appears. The girls ask her for a refund, and she tells them no refunds; they end up deciding to stay. She brings them to their room and tells them that there is no Wi-Fi and the whole hotel is a dead zone for cell service.  She tells them the location of the ice machine and leaves. Girl 1 goes to get ice. She passed by a weirdo maid cleaning a blanket, looks like blood. "Terrible accident in room 51, just ghastly!" She travels down the hall and sees a little creepy blonde kid at the end. He points at her and she turns around. Another creepy kid who runs off. She goes to the ice machine and scoops up the ice. A scary sequined silver glove hand reaches for the back of her head- she turns around and it's gone. When she returns back to the room the other girl has lit candles. Who the hell brings candles on vacation? Girl 2 mentions the room stinks like something dead. Girl 1 calls the front desk and asks for another room. Sold out. The look at the bed and see that it is lumpy. They pull the covers off and lo, there is a big seam right up the middle. I would be gone at this point. I would assume this was a bed bug problem (they smell if infestation is bad enough) and be out of there. Girl 1 gets a knife from a drawer???? Why is there a knife drawer? And cuts it open - some weird naked bald humanoid pops out of the mattress like the most unpleasant Nope-In-the-box ever.  

Now we begin the traditional creepy AHS opening credits. This time it flashes the 10 commandments between the names of the actors. Interesting. 

Iris is walking the girls to another room, saying that she didn't know what happened. Why would you stay?!? Seriously money isn't all that, use your Universal Studios money for another hotel! 

Girl 1 asks, “How can there be another room when you are sold out?” 

"Oh they never rent room 64." Of course not. 

Girl 1 falls asleep and is awakened by the alarm going off at 2:25 (am?). She looks for her friend, and finds her sprawled out on the bathroom floor while the two children of the damned lick her blood.

A crime scene. A couple is on the bed in flagrante delicto. The woman is on top and she's skewered to the bed, obviously dead. The man has had his eyes and tongue ripped out and his hands are nailed to the headboard. A detective walks in and reads the crime scene. (Wes Bentley!) The couple were married, but not to each other. Oh, and the man is super glued inside the woman. Well, that certainly is a sticky situation! 

Back at the office his daughter FaceTime’s and he reads Little Women to her. Another officer walks in and says that someone is on the line for him. He refused to take the call because reading to his daughter. As he is leaving for the day he gets a cell phone call. The distorted voice on the line says that he is going to repeat the crime in room 64 at the Hotel Cortez right now. 

At Hotel Cortez - enter another patron. This one is the stereotypical douche. More like stereotypical junkie! (Max Greenfield!)  He needs a room right then. Iris gives him room 64. As he leaves, Sally (Sarah Paulson!) says to Iris, he's mine. He goes into the room and begins to shoot up. He hallucinates or does he? This strange creature is it the one from the mattress? I didn't think so, but maybe, the mattress person had a face, this was more a latex white suit. Apparently it has a name "The Addiction Demon." Pulls down his pants and begins to rape him with a big silver drill dildo. He's crying while the creature drills ha! him. Sally walks in and watches. Douche looks up at her and she tells him if he struggles the creature enjoys it more. She instructs him to tell her he loves her. He says "I love you, Sally". She tells him if he says it again she will make it all go away. He says "I love you, Sally" and the creature disappears. He takes a breath and dies? Pupils dilating. He doesn't die, he is just super high. It was not as terrible as the sword strap-on in Seven. It was however a fairly effective 'don't do drugs' add. Heroin - like being anally raped by a drill penis! 

Detective John Lowe makes it to the Hotel Cortez.  He speaks to Iris; asks to see room 64. Liz Taylor (Dennis O'Hare!) questions Iris- 64? But she instructs him to show the detective the way. He enters room 64 and there is nothing in there. He lays on the bed. As he closes his eyes and sighs the view pans downwards towards underneath the bed. Oh and it's the douche. His eyes opens and he gasps for air. 

2:25 Det. John wakes up. Creepy kid is standing over him. Holden? He says? And he follows creepy kid down the hall - but finds it empty. 

A record player. A couple getting ready to go out. It's Elizabeth (Lady Gaga!) and Donovan (Matt Bomer!) they go to the park cemetery!! to watch Nosforatu. They look over at the couple next to them and with some not so subtle gestures invite them back to the hotel for a little Ménage A Quarte. As they walk into the hotel it is evident that Donovan and Elizabeth are eerily in sync. They do a hand rubbing thing straight out of Rocky Horror while walking around the ottoman. If you are reading this and have never seen the Rocky Horror Picture show stop reading and go watch immediately. This is a moral imperative. 

So an orgy commences. All through you can tell how in sync Donovan and Elizabeth are. They both have on these gloves on one hand with a sharp ring on the end. Donovan's is black and Elizabeth's silver. They both reach up and slice their prey’s neck at the same time and begin to feed. Carpe jugularis! Afterwards, Elizabeth remarks that she knew Donovan didn't want to go out. He states "it's not the getting ready, it's the clean-up." 

Elizabeth - "call housekeeping."

Meanwhile Det. John makes it home. His wife (Chloe Sevigny!) is a pediatrician who has to tend to a broken leg and a case of twins with possible whopping cough. I do find it hilarious that there is a remark about vaccinations in this scene. John tells his wife, Alex, that he loves her. She leaves - without a word. Hmmmm trouble in paradise? The daughter, Scarlett, and he decide to go get some sushi. 

At the HC Iris is making the most disgusting protein shake in the world (seriously, oysters, chicken livers, kidneys I just vomited a little) for the two tourists. There they are! In some strange cages in the basement. Of course! Sally shows up argues with Iris. Iris tells her the last 20 years of her being in the hotel begin and end with her. Iris cannot leave so she stayed. She tells Sally she can cleanse the girls and if she doesn't she can explain to her why they taste like shit. Then she says she's got to go feed that thing in room 33. Iris leaves. Sally opens up one of the cages and tells Girl 1 to "move her with her tears". First she tells her the room they are in used to be used for puppet shows. I wonder if that will be a flashback. She cries - Sally screams, "Run!" The girl runs out, through the hotel. Iris, now at the front desk, sees her and goes after her. Suddenly the girl stops. Elizabeth is standing at the door wearing a white Hollywood golden age gown and a white turban. She pulls her arm back and slashes girl 1 neck with her sparkly glove. "This can never happen again," says Elizabeth to Iris.

At the sushi place John and scarlet are enjoying the meal. Scarlet says that she dreamed about him, but she can't see his face anymore. John receives a text and it is from Alex. It is an address with Help Me underneath. They go, he leaves Scarlet in the car and tells another officer to watch her. John goes in the building. It's a warehouse? Office space? While he's in there the phone rings. It's the mystery voice! He says "I told you I would do it again?"  

Meanwhile, Scarlet's guard hears a noise and goes to investigate. Of course she Scooby doos that shit and goes into the building. Parents, do us all a favor and make your kids watch classic horror movies. You never get out of the car and go investigate!!! Of course she finds 2 gross disemboweled bodies hanging. She screams and her dad come running. 

Santa Monica 2010. John, Alex, Scarlet and a boy are at the pier/faire. Santa Monica Pier Alex and Scarlet are at a midway game and John is going to take Holden to the carousel. Holden is buckled on the horse. John gets a text we don't see the text, but he has a wry sort of smile. Hmm. and he turns his back to check his phone. When he turns back around, Holden is gone, horse is empty, buckle dangling. 

Back at the house, and present time Alex and John are talking about him leaving for a while till the creepy perp is caught. Alex tells him she wants him to leave. She says she doesn't blame him for Holden's disappearance, but she cannot stand to look at John because he reminds her so much of her missing son. 

Hotel Cortez, a man, woman, and tween walk in. The woman is a realtor (The Murder House Relator!!! Do you have to take a special class to be Satan’s property advisor?) The hotel has been sold and William Drake (Cheyenne Jackson!) is the new owner. He is a fashion designer looking for inspiration away from New York. Iris and Liz Taylor are upset - they are afraid they will be thrown out on the street. During this introduction time Drake's kid, Lachlan, goes exploring down the hall. Creepy rapist mattress creature presses itself up on a glass wall, scaring Lachlan. Drake and co go upstairs to the penthouse. He plans to live there. Satan's realtor opens the curtains and the light shines on Donovan's naked body on the couch. He's all, what are you doing in my room? He goes to Elizabeth. Drake and co follow. She knows him, and they flirt. She tells Donovan to show Drake and co around. She then takes Lachlan by the hand. They go down a hall and she knocks on the wall. A secret door! Hidden room! Inside is the children of the damned. They are all playing video games and there are jars of candy. Holden is in there! Oh look, it's more addiction themed stuff. 

Flash back to 1994. Sally and Donovan are together. They go into the hotel to shoot up. Sally offers Donovan her needle, he asks for a clean one. "Honey, I'm the cleanest person you know". He uses her needle.  Iris is following in her car watching them and she saw them go into the hotel. She follows them in.  She tries to bribe Liz Taylor into telling her which room they went in. "Please, that's my son and she's giving him drugs!" Iris goes in the room and sees Donovan passed out. "What did you give him?" "White China, I told him not to keep up with me."  Sally leaves. Sally is at an open window looking at the curtain. She is pushed out and falls to the ground stories below. Iris has pushed her. Iris goes back to the room and sees Elizabeth on the bed holding Donovan's head in her lap. She says, "Your boy has a jawline for days..."

Det. John packs his bags, kisses his daughter, and leaves his house. He checks into the Hotel- room 64. In the background is hotel California. "You can never leave...."

Burning questions:

So, is this like murder house, where you die you stay there? Yes, according to the Ryan Murphy interview this is a constant rule in all AHS

According to the net- it says that Elizabeth is suffering from an ancient blood virus. So another take on vampires then? Again Ryan Murphy interview says it's a biblical thing, but also something to do with stem cells? I don't he is weird.

What the hell is up with crazy seven type killer?

What will happen to girl 2?

What with the douche? Will he get a name? 

Is the mattress thing and the Addiction demon the same?? 

Why are their knives in the hotel drawers??

Who brings candles on vacation?

What is the thing in room 33?

Things I liked:

The music. I loved all the background music. The clothes. The hotel Art Deco design.

It being in LA and the subtle connections to murder house

Movies in the cemetery!

Denis O'Hare! I liked that he got to be glamorous and not gross.

Things I hated:

The Seven aspect. I loved the movie Seven. This was sort of a rip off version though. I like the psychological thriller aspect because supernatural stuff just isn't that scary to me, but I would prefer they come up with original stuff!

The lack of a plot. I know AHS is always about style over substance, but this was the poster child for that!

Pacing

Lack of Character Development

Overall: 

I felt like I've seen this before. I don't know if they were planned homages, but I've seen the spooky Shining hallway carpet. I've seen vampires without fangs. Bauhaus was in The Hunger and played Bella Lugosi’s Dead in that too! It just felt- well, used, much like the douche felt after his evening with the creepy mattress dildo dude. I don't mind subtle homages. They are awesome, but they are awesome when they are subtle. As a sort of easter egg you have to pay attention to find. Not when you are bored because you feel like you are just watching a mash up of a bunch of old movies slightly redone. 

This is Seven meets Rocky Horror meets the Shining with vampire tendencies. I do hope next week is amped up. I hope next week has more substance.

Fun nerd note!

Murder house and Hotel Cortez (Hotel Cecil in reality) are about 5 miles apart. Yes I looked it up (so you don't have to). Your welcome. 

Conversations with my sister- a true story.

Tv reviews- Sunday/Monday

I'm behind! Gah! This weekend was so busy; moving kids around, doing a GRAND PURGE on the kids rooms- washing baby clothes, so much stuff! Plus kids birthday parties. Anyway, all this left barely anytime for tv. I finally was able to catch up a little yesterday evening. I still have a few more shows to watch- here's what I have so far. 

Sunday:

Vicious- this was the finale. There's only 6 or 7 episodes per season. If you are not watching this show then you are completely missing out. It's on PBS, there's no commercials, and two brilliant actors star. It's freaking amazing and you need to binge watch stat. 

Big Bang Theory- this episode was much better than last week's. I actually laughed! Hopefully the good keeps on coming because last weekend was dreadful. 

Blindspot- still interesting. However, I hope the writers have a plan other than- analyze tatto, solve clue, get bad guys. At this point it's cool- but I'm worried that the final bad guy will be old man Jenkins under a mask. Here's your Scooby snack, you meddling kids. 

Still left to watch on my DVR- 

How to get away with murder

Once Upon A Time 

Tuesday & Wednesday TV Reviews

Sorry I'm late writing this. I am more efficient at adding onto my co-bloggers writing than I am starting my own! Let's see if I can remember what I watched... (Shel here- I'm the one tardy to the party. I'm also on my phone and can't quite figure out this edit thing)



Tuesday

Scream Queens - I know we recapped, but for a spoiler free review, I really liked it! It was funny in a ridiculous over the top way, but still had a few creepy parts. It felt more like Scary Movie than an actual scary movie though and if this wasn't so over the top ridiculous I don't think it would be good at all. So far I liked Scream (MTV) better, it was funny and made fun of itself too, but in a slightly more sophisticated tongue in cheek manner and not so overtly, and had some actual scary moments. (I liked it too! I thought it was great. I equally hated everyone on it and couldn't wait for them to get killed. It's ok, they're intentionally super horrible people.)

The Muppets - No theme song! I missed it the whe episode. :'( This was pretty funny. A grown up version of the Muppets. I've always liked the Muppets so its not surprising I liked this, but my kids liked it too and they have never been Muppet fans. I think it's a good show for families with older kids (or younger kids if you don't censor). 

Limitless - I almost didn't watch this. I just threw it on while I was doing other things, which I wish I could sound amazing and say cleaning or creating something, but I was probably playing Tsum Tsums. Anyways I have never seen the movie (I have no time for movies there is TV go watch!!), but I liked this show. I think it's a great background show. I also think if that drug existed (this isn't a spoiler its in the description of the show) I would be an addict.

Fresh Off the Boat - I love this show! Its set in the 90s! The mom is my role model, I want to be her when I grow up. My kids say I am already enough like her. Whatever. This is a returning series and one the kids like.

Wednesday
Maybe I should have broke these days up, but I'm not gonna!

The Middle - Returning series. This show is great. My kids LOVE this show, its very relatable. It was a funny episode, but also sweet.

The Goldberg's - If you grew up in the 80s you should watch this. It's pretty funny and nostalgic. Returning series.

Blackish - Returning Series.(haven't watched yet
 Another one I watch with the kids so I'll get to it eventually!)

Modern Family - Returning Series. This show is usually good. I like that the format seems to be switching to a more serialized version. They are not solving all the problems by the end of the episode. 

Empire - Returning (bad ass) Series. (Haven't watched it yet!)

Law & Order: SVU - I love crime procedure shows! They are the best background shows. Anyways this was an excellent episode, which most of the primere and finales are! I did miss Amaro though. :'(

Moonbeam city- Jamie watches way more tv than I do; I feel almost guilty that my contribution is so minimal. I did watch the second episode of Moonbeam City last night and I laughed out loud. I thought it was ridiculous and hilarious. Plus it's a cartoon in 80's style!  

Alright that's all I got, but tonight is a BIG TV night! It's TGIT (Grey's Anatomy, Scandal, How to Get Away with Murder), which is exciting, but I am most excited about HEROES REBORN!! Plus I still have Empire to watch! Until tomorrow...
Of these I will watch How to Get Away With Murder. I'm a slacker!!

Scream Queens Recap Spoilers!!!!

So we open in 1995. Sorority girl comes down the stairs with bloody hands. She finds her friends and tells them something bad happens. They go upstairs to the bathroom where they see another girl has given birth. They gripe at her for having a baby and they leave her to go and dance to TLC's waterfalls. Bloody hands stays with her. When they return they see that she has died and bloody hands has the baby. This is suspicious to me. Sure she may have died from child birth, but she may have died from crazy friend too. 

Present day- we meet the new Sorority girls. There is Chanel 1 (Emma Roberts) the president and HBIC. She has 4 minions, Chanel 2 (Ariana Grande), Chanel 3 (Billie Catherine Lourd) and Chanel 5 (Abigail Breslin). There was a Chanel 4 but she went home sick, and died of meningitis. The Dean (Jamie Lee Curtis) summons Chanel 1 to her office and says she doesn't like her, and there's a flash back to where Chanel was a minion to the previous president. The then President didn't like her and uninvited her to a vacation and sent her out the room. Another minion spray tans the president and her skin melts off. The other minions leave her and the red devil is there. Someone had switched the spray tan for hydrochloric acid. Back to the present and the dean says she's shutting down their charter.  A lawyer, Gigi mysteriously shows up and says that she can't shut down the charter and sends Chanel out the room.  She was wearing 90's clothes, including a very ugly jean skirt. She seemed very eager to get Chanel 1 out of the room. Gigi then says she has a suggestion for the dean. 

Grace (Skyler Samuels) is just arriving at school with her dad and he begs her not to pledge a sorority. She had a pin and it was her mom’s pledge pin and sad moment. They hug and he leaves. She meets roommate Zayday (Keke Palmer) and she's cool. They have coffee, bond about being motherless, and talk about pledging the sorority. Grace sees the red devil. 

Dean and Gigi are at the sorority for a rush mixer. The dean announces that the sorority has to accept every pledge that applies. This causes all the cool girls to leave; with only the imperfects left. They are Neckbrace (Lea Michele), Deaf Taylor Swift, Predatory Lez, and a Candle Blogger. (Grace and her roommate are also pledging)

Boys playing golf. They are Chad and Boon (Nick Jonas). Chad is Chanel 1 boyfriend. He dumps her because she's not popular anymore. "I can't date a garbage person" I couldn't help thinking they were perfect for each other with how terrible they are.

Chanel recruits the maid, who she calls white mammy, in a plot to scare off the pledge rejects. She recruits her with horror stories of spices, poop, and backsplash. She makes a spectacle of herself ordering coffee. Grace then makes a joke with the poor barista dude (Diego Boneta). They chat and she tells him she's pledging. He begs her not to, and up walks Chanel. Apparently he used to stalk her. 

Chanel and white mammy have arranged a fake fight where Chanel puts mammy’s face in the fryer- which is supposed to be off. The fight happens and the grease isn't off and her face gets burned off and she dies. Before she dies she rips off her melting face, like for longer than necessary, it was gross and it seemed like it was meant to scare the girls. I actually thought it was the plan still. Grace wants to go to the police, but Chanel tells her no. Chanel tells her if she goes to the police they will say that Grace killed her. All the pledges agree with Chanel, once their bribed. All except for Zayday, she calls the other girls ratchet.

Grace- "you're an awful person"

Chanel-"maybe, but I'm rich and I'm pretty so it doesn't really matter. "

Soooo they hide the body in the deep freezer- while barista dude watched everything from the bushes.

Jamie Lee Curtis smoking a dube total win. She's in bed with some dude Chad? Is that Chad? Yes it is and he is in love with the dean, apparently. She says, of course he is because it makes the situation more pathetic, ha! And talking about the glory days of feminism. She turns to the dude, who is a student being blackmailed for sex; he's on academic probation, and tells him that he is awful in bed. Hahahah

Grace is having coffee with the barista dude. He mentions that he knows they hid a body. She says she wants to help him with an expose on the Kappas. She said she'll be his eyes on the inside. They decide to go and examine the body. They see Chanel and Chad doing the same so they hide. Chanel and Chad open the freezer and no body!

The Chanel’s are doing a lame blood oath thing and #2 can't handle it. She says she is leaving. While packing she gets a text from an unknown number that asks if she is afraid to open the door. It's the Red Devil. She stands looking at him and he texts her if she's afraid to dance wit he the devil and she texts back maybe. He dips her. He texts her again. I'm going to kill you know. She responds- wait whaaaatt? And he stabs her. She kicks him off and texts him to stop. This was so funny! I agree! She crawls to her laptop and starts to update her Facebook status to Red Devil Killing me please help. The red devil is coming up behind her and stamps her in the back. She falls. She comes too long enough to hit enter and update her status. Which no one ever mentions!! Whyyyy is this not mentioned? Wouldn't the girls notice her next to her laptop or get the status update on their phone? This was such a hilarious scene, but the lack of anyone noticing so bothered me. I guess it's more of the social commentary regarding the perceived narcissism of that generation that no one even notices a status update about being murdered?

Chanel goes into her room and she hears a scream. They run into #2 room and see that she is dead. They then realize the pledges have arrived for hazing. They go downstairs to meet them. Grace stands up to Chanel and they go have coffee to settle their differences, yeah it doesn't work. Grace leaves. Meanwhile Chanel #5 is at the house and in charge. She buries the pledges to their necks in the yard and leaves them. Oh here comes the Red Devil on a riding lawnmower and there goes the top of Deaf Taylor Swifts head. Hilarious! I feel this was paying homage to Heathers! I closed my eyes for this. I just couldn't. Why did the killer not use this chance to go ahead and run them all over? Why just the 1?

Dean Munch tells all the girls they are suspects and orders them not to leave campus. They will fail college if they leave.  They are getting security to keep them safe. 

The Chanel’s are still trying to decide what to do with #2. Neckbrace shows up and offers some pretty hilarious creepy suggestions. They decide to wrap 2 in the duvet and to put her in the freezer. Because that went so well the last time. I half think they hope the body goes missing so they don't have to deal with it. 

Gigi is introducing the girls to the new security guard, Denise. Who has three rules if in danger, 1. Scream Denise Hemphill real loud, unless she isn't there then 2. Call an 866 number or 3. Run! Yeah this isn't going to end well. 

Pledges end up scrubbing the floor and Grace goes to get soap in the creepy basement. Oh there's the red devil in the window. Grace is trying to get soap and to reach she tries to climb the bookcase. It of course falls and reveals a hidden padlocked door. She tried to open it and #5 comes up behind her. She tells her only the president has the key and tells Grace to go back upstairs. 

She tells barista dude about hidden room and they decide to find out more. He's going to break into the Deans office and she's going to break into the hidden room. They kiss. 

Grace's dad is in Dean Munches office. She's trying very hard to seduce him. She convinces him that Grace is safe. He asks for a teaching position because he is a professor. The Dean pointedly tells him his daughter is not a target and gives her assurance of that. Was this the bullshit assurances of a dean in denial trying to save her ass or the assurances of a killer who knows she isn't targeting his daughter? hmmm

Grace breaks into the hidden room. It is a lot of furniture, junk, costumes, creepy dolls and a bloody bathtub. In a box is a bloody formal dress. Chanel 1 comes up behind Grace and there's a flashback to the the bathtub birth. Apparently white mammy and Dean Munch covered everything up. Present time and Grace wonders what happened to the baby. 

Chanel and Chad are doing it and it sounds terrible. He's apparently not doing it for her and she dumps him. "Nobody breaks up with Chad Radwell" Chad storms off and goes to pout in his own dorm room. Boon is there in his own bed. They talk and Chad goes to bed. Boon asks if he can sleep with him because he is scared. Boon is gay, and Chad lets him sleep in the bed with him as long as he promises not to grab his wiener. Meanwhile, here come Chanel to apologize for breaking up with Chad. She opens the room and she's him and Boon spooning. Chad follows her out and begs her not to out his friend. He tricks her into apologizing- and then breaks up with her because she is a homophobic, spoiled little girl. Chad just became my hero. Yeah, I liked that he was cool to his bro like that, but he is just as terrible as Chanel 1. 

Barista dude is breaking into the dean’s office. He's looking through some old files and sees some names from 1995. He finds a list of 5 names - Greenwell, Doyle, Meyer, Cohen, Stevens. Assumingly the 5 girls from the bathroom. Red Devil comes up behind him and hits him in the head to knock him out. Why not kill him? If he only kills soriety girls then why is he in the Deans office to knock out Pete? He comes too outside with a note on his shirt that says MYOB.  (Mind your own business) flash to him and Grace talking about the names he found. She opens his closet and there is a red devil costume! He's the mascot. If this is the mascot costume there could conceivably be more than one, especially over the course of the years. My question is who was the mascot in 1995. She asks how old he is and she realizes he's the right age to be bathtub baby! She runs off. While mentioning that she is 18 so she can't be the baby. After she leaves he smiles in a suspicious manner.

All remaining Chanel’s are in the coffee house. Boon goes up and asks if he can come out and then pledge Kappa. #1 thinks it's a great idea, but #5 is totally against and threatens to kill him. 

Security guard, Denise, is in her car on watch. There is a bang on her window and it is another security guard, she's supposed to be at Best Buy, but brought her burgers.  They hang out.  Inside the house, the girls look at the window at the guards and they see another car out there. Grace says it's her dad and Gigi goes to talk to him. They bond over 90's power ballads and they go get coffee. As they leave Dean looks at them ominously from the shadows. She looks super pissed! I wonder if those assurances are still good?

Meanwhile the girls are being hazed- the security guards are sleeping in the car outside. They hear a scream and Denise runs to the house. #1 says that the red devil tried to push her out the window. The girls want to go upstairs to investigate, and Denise tells them they need to get out of there. The girls go upstairs and Denise goes outside, back to her car. The girls’ upstairs see that "sluts must die" is written on the wall. Denise is heading back to her car where her friend is still sleeping. Oh there's the red devil in the back seat and he stabs the friend. Denise opens the car door and sees her friend is dead. She drives off and dumps the body out of the car. 

Boon is working out. Here's the red devil. A bunch of pretty queenly boys come to get him so they can "pick up sluts" yeah ok. They hear a scream and run to another room. There's Boon on the table with his neck slit. He is surrounded by lit candles. All the guys scream like the girls just screamed! 

The Kappa’s are all at the dinner table. It's the last meal and hell week will be over.  Denise and Chad burst in. Denise tells them about her friend and Chad tells them Boon is dead. 

The mortuary. Red Devil comes to a crypt and opens the door. He pulls out Boons body. Boon opens his eyes, and asks “What took you so long?" He pulls the fake throat cut off of his neck. Yay! He isn't dead so maybe there will be more bro spooning and work-out scenes. Or not, whatever, not like I care. ;)

Burning questions-

Who is the baby? Hopefully no one. Scream (MTV) just did the funny horror show with a who is the baby story line. It all seems very similar.

Who is the red devil? No ideas yet

What the hell Boon?  In on it. Perhaps it's what Gigi wanted to discuss with the Dean and it's just an elaborate plot to shut down the sorority and he was on academic probation and being blackmailed? Just a theory. 

Is Chad boinging The Dean? Yes and in love with her. 

Why is Gigi stuck in the 90's? Her therapist suggested it was because of a tragic event that happened during the 90's that stuck her there. Like say your friend having a baby in a bath tub. OR murdering said friend who just had a baby in a bath tub! ::gasp:: Again just a theory lol.

Alleged Death count- 4

Deaf Taylor Swift

White Mammy

Chanel 2

Denise's Guard Friend. 

Boon I added him to the list because everyone thought he was dead and since people are pretending to be dead it may be helpful to keep track of those sorts of things!

Favorite Jamie Lee Curtis Moment-

When she called the "I was where" posts narcissistic Yes!

Current Devil suspect- Dean Munch 

Jamie's suspect - Gigi; I think she is crazy friend from '95. 

Favorite Quotes:

"No one forced that goat to get as drunk as he did. That's on him."

"How did you get HPV? When were you in Mexico?"

"Shandell, why you got a knife through your throat?!?"

"Everbody wants to get with this. Women, men, animals at the zoo, plants probably."

Monday night new tv!

Ok so Finally we have new tv. Thank goodness- there is only so much Big Bang reruns I can watch.  I only watch a few shows- but Jamie is really the tv efficianodo. Yeah I do love me some TV, I have trouble watching movies because it seems like such a short time for character and plot development. I seldom watch reruns, unless it's Cold Case.

So last night I watched 2 shows and I will review them below. I watched 2 new series and 2 returning. I plan on watching Gotham, Minority Report & BBT, but haven't yet. **Update: Added Minority Report & Gotham

Big Bang theory- well the season premier was last night and I was bored af. I didn't even crack a smile. If this is setting the tone for the season then I will dvr and watch later or catch on rerun. I played tsums and listened to the dialogue.  I may have dozed off. I haven't watched this yet, but I was boredna lot of last season's episodes so this doesn't bode well. 

Blindspot- I was riveted! I thought this show was so good! Lots of suspense.  I was on the edge of my seat and the hubs and I discussed it afterwards. Cannot wait for the next episode. I'll follow this one. I liked it. I wasn't riveted, I actually lost focus a couple of times, but it was good. I worry about the overall arc and I really hope the creators have a master plan or I worry this show can become very convoluted quickly or the writers will write themselves into a corner. If this is set for a full network season of 20+ episodes the 'case of the week' format may hurt it, because how many mundane see into the future cases can she have on her that font advance the plot? It is good for now, but I'm not sure how long it will be good for.

Life in Pieces - I almost want to recap this one. I laughed out loud several times. It's a new show about a family, at different stages in life. It's a bit irreverent and a bit sweet, in all the right places. Plus its got a great cast! 

Castle - OMG Castle! Seriously I was wondering what more they could do with this show and maybe Blindspot didn't edge of my seat me because I watched it after this! I'm so confused and worried! I can't wait until next week because why?!? I am trying not to spoil anyhing here, but it was an excellent season primere and I love that Alexis is in it more and I hope it stays that way. Also I hope Toks Olagundoye (she was on The Neighbors) stays on because I love her, she is my girlfriend in my head, also her and Castle had some chemistry (watch out Beckett!) Anyways great episode!

Scorpion - I liked this last year. It's a good show I can throw on and do other things. I watch a lot of TV because my brain has to have multiple things happening, its crazy. Some shows are more primary focus shows, while others are background shows and this was an excellent background show. I found it annoyed me a lot last night though. The will they won't they nonsense is tired. I like the cases and situations, however unbelievable, but they need some character momentum.

Gotham - I think Gotham nay have found its groove! It was up and down last season, I almost gave up on it, but then it started getting good toward the end. This episode was excellent and being a lover of DC villians the whole rise of the villians theme makes me very excited. Also James Frain is on it now and I love him!

Minority Report - I liked this A LOT more than I thought I would. I really liked the concept of the movie and the philosophical ideas it inspires. I don't like Tom Cruise which this show doesn't have. Anyways the show has some funny moments, the leads are likeable, and the crime of the week format won't be at all problematic for this storyline like it may be for Blindsight. I also love the futuristic setting...I don't know what the genetic revolution is, but healthy french fries...sign me up! :D

Tonight- Scream Queens! I'm really excited about this one. I hope it's campy and good! I am also looking forward to this. The Muppets also starts tonight! I'm probably more excited about that than I should be. :D

The Emmys!

67th Emmy awards hosted by Adam Sanburg. It's Andy Samberg and he is hilarious. So is his band Lonely Island. I'm not even attempting to spell names correctly. Sorry not sorry. I was amused during his first opening number- I don't know if the audience was as amused as I was. I was laughing a lot!

Best supporting actress in a comedy: Allison Janey I love her. I was glad she won. Her accidentally bringing up her dabbing cloth was pretty funny. In case you don't know it was 104 degrees today here at my house and I am closer to the beach than downtown LA (closer to the beach = cooler). It is usually not much over 80 here. I imagine those people were melting.

Best Comedy writing- Simon Blackwell, Armandon Iannucci, Tony Roche 

Ricky Gervais was hilarious. Agreed

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a comedy series: Tony Hale

I'm not putting anything about the creative Emmys that they did already. Blah blah look it up if you care. Then let us know.  I actually looked these up because I cared! Actually I cared more about a lot of these categories more than I did the ones on this show we just watched and because I am so awesome here is that list of winners if anyone else cares (spoiler alert: Adventure Time won the Emmy over Steven Universe! ha!).

Comedy Series Directing: Jill Soloway- she thanked the goddess and Amazon. Heheheheh. She was also wearing a polka dot suit with some big old shoes. I kinda liked it. I loved her suit! She thanked Amazon because Transparent is an Amazon exclusive show, I was confused by that for a moment.

Jimmy Kimmel straight up ate the card where the names were. That was super amusing. Though, I wish he would have given it to Joey Tribianai. meh. I was disappointed William H. Macy didn't win because man he is good in his role on Shameless! I have not seen Transparent, but I have heard good things about it though so good for Jeffrey Tambor.

Comedy Lead Series Actor- Jeffery Tambor

Comedy Lead Series Actress- Julia Louis-Dreyfus she wore a simple one shoulder black dress; accented by fabulous diamond dangling earrings. A spectacular simple look. (I have not watched Veep, which is weird because usually I love political shows, but just never watched this one. I loved all the Trump trash talk that went on throughout the show, but hers was really great! "It's getting harder to satirize this stuff" was an excellent snarky comment. 

Reality- why is this a category? I mean do we really need awards for being real? if that's the case, should football be included? Oh wait- that's the heinsman isn't it? The Voice. Whatever.  I think two whole rows people got up to accept this "reality" award. 1. Football is considered a variety show and/or special and I know this because the Superbowl Halftime show with Katy Perry won for costumes in a variety show and/or special. 2. Reality Shows aren't real :p They have writers and producers and a team of people with very fragile egos who need accolades, just let them have their category its not like it's limited series reality :p

I am going to agree with John Oliver on these next categories. Limited Series categories are pretty dumb. All television is limited! I understand a miniseries is different from an actual regular series show, but if the show returns in any capacity it's not really a miniseries is it. I'm looking at you American Horror Story, being in this category is just cheating. 

Writing Limited Series or Movie- Jane Anderson. I really liked her dress. It was orange with a cute bussel accent on the butt. 

Supporting Actress limited series or movie- Regina King. She looked surprised and so excited!

Directing Limited Series or Movie- Lisa Cholodenko 

They keep showing stuff about Wolf Hall. Looks interesting; I want to watch it. It's a PBS show. It's King Henry/Anne Boleyn story told from the perspective of Thomas Cromwell.

Supporting Actor limited series movie- Bill Murray. Quickest speech ever!

Lead actresses limited series movie- Francis McDormand

Lead Actor limited series movie- Richard Jenkins

Outstanding limited series- Olive Kitterage (this show won 6 Emmys and was minutes for 13. Sooo I'm guessing we need to watch this) I had never even heard of this show, but it's only 4 hours so it's really more of a long movie.

Variety Writing- the team from The daily show with Jon Stewart 

Variety Sketch Series- inside Amy Schumer

Variety Series directing- Chuck O'Neil 

Variety Series Talk- The Daily Show with Jon Stewart

Writing for a Drama Series- David Benioff/ D. B. White.

Supporting actress drama series- Uzo Aduba I was so happy she won. She deserved it. Her character on OITNB is one of the best!

Directing drama series- David Nutter

Supporting actor drama series- Peter Dinklage (Yay!)

Outstanding actor in a drama series- Jon Hamm 

Outstanding actress in a drama series- Viola Davis I like How to Get Away with Murder. I liked most of the actresses nominated, but Tatiana not winning was ridiculous. She should have been winning for the past 3 years. Sure the other actresses are fabulous, but she is playing multiple characters on the same show and she makes it totally believable! That is just super talent in my mind and I don't understand her not winning.

Comedy Series- Veep (I love how Julia Louis-Dreyfus was taking a selfie with Mel brooks while accepting the award - I noticed that too! I would be doing the same.)

Drama series- Game of Thrones. Of course!

Happy Birthday George R R Martin!!!!!

Shel's best dressed pick- Jaimie Alexander I bet she was miserable in that long sleeved thing. Plus it looked heavy.
Jamie's best dressed pick - Jill Solloway. I really loved her polka dots pants suit. Although she lost some points for wearing a pants suit in this heat!
My honorable mention goes to all the women in dresses with no straps/sleeves, no matter if they were perfectly toned or not knowing they were going to get trashed for wearing such things and not giving any f**ks.

Side note- Lady Gaga presented. I think she's toning down the crazy. Good her music can more than speak for itself. 

My blog co-host will be adding her notes to this once she watches. Done

For anyone too lazy to look it up the green ribbons a lot of the people were sporting (or if you didn't notice them at all) I looked it up for you! They were to show support for the EPA and President Obama's plan to take on climate change #DemandClimateAction